Where’s Ralph?

Due to circumstances beyond our control Chirizo is still bumping his little doodles.  I know I just said the other day how I was going to take him Wednesday to get him neutered and either head my blog post or he heard hubby and I talking about it.  You see you can’t do the surgery if they are sick within 24 hours before the surgery and he spent most of Tuesday with his little head in the toilet.  Actually, over my tile floor or carpet.  I told hubby I think he was over in the corner sticking his own paw down his little throat to make himself sick so he wouldn’t lose his family jewels.

If you are faint of heart or weak of stomach you might want to skip the rest of this post because I’m gonna tell you how it all went down.  I’m not sure what was going on, whether they were trading around an animal virus or is someone put out poison in the fields around the house and maybe they ate a mouse or mole that had eaten the poison or what but it was mighty odd that on Tuesday every single pet in our house threw up at least once…some multiple times. Yeah, it was one of those days.

I woke up and stumbled out to the kitchen to make my morning coffee and immediately heard the sound of someone or something retching in the hallway on the other side of the living room and then I see Poe running out like he’d seen a ghost (or thrown one up).  I immediately head for the hallway and so does Chorizo so I yell to hubby to catch him because I knew if he got there first he’s be eating it and then I might have joined Poe at that sight.  So, it was either have hubby hold him and I had to get it up or me hold him and let hubby get it up but since I know hubby’s knees bother him leaning over or down like that I thought I’d be a good wife and let him hold the wiggling squirming puppy.  In hind sight I see that I didn’t really think that one through.

It was disgusting.  I don’t know how one cat could physically throw up that much stuff!  It covered almost the entire width of the hallway.  I felt bad beings that he was sick and all but I was afraid he’d do it again and there’d be more to clean up so I scooped him up and threw him outside and cleaned up the disgusting mess and spot cleaned that area of the floor.  After I finished and hubby could put Chorizo down he went to take his shower.  No sooner had he gotten in the shower than Hellboy threw up on the edge of the sofa and on the living room floor.  Really??? WTH is wrong with these cats???  So, I grab the puppy and throw him in the bedroom and Hellboy and throw him outside.  Then I have to clean up that disgusting mess and spot clean the upholstery of the sofa! Now I’m thoroughly disgusted and pissed.

Hubby leaves for work and #3 leaves for work and I’m sitting at the bar in the breakfast nook checking FB and my blog when I hear the telltale sounds of someone calling Ralph!  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???  This time it was LaLa in the dining room.  I was ready to pull a Dexter and just blanket my entire house with plastic the more better to clean up gigantic piles of animal vomit with.  I mean… how many MORE animals can possibly get sick?  HUH? 

I know I didn’t voice that out loud but SOMEONE must have heard me because about 10 minutes later I am again sitting at the bar enjoying a nice cup of coffee and I hear a muffled coughing sound coming from behind the television and then the tell tale liquidy sound of food coming the wrong way and hitting the floor.  This time it’s Chorizo and he’d thrown up all behind the television all over the gigantic mass of wires that are on the floor that connect the TV and DVD player and sound system and DirecTV gadgets.  OK!! Enough already!  This one was the worst.  Not only was it more than I thought he could ever hold but after I had used an entire roll of paper towels trying to clean it up I still had to clean it off the wires individually.  Yes, by the time this one was over I wanted to lay down my head and cry… after I threw up.

I had put Chorizo out on the chain while I cleaned it up so I went out and retrieved him from the back yard and held him and soothed him a little while because I could tell by his eyes that he didn’t feel good, at all.  I had planned on giving him a bath on Tuesday since he was going to have his surgery on Wednesday but what I hadn’t planned on was giving all his toys a bath too.  This is what happened.

Chorizo's basket o'toys

I have a little red plastic crate that has all his toys and chew toys and stuffed animals in it.  He literally empties it out about a half dozen times a day.  At least!  He will pull every single toy out and lay them on the floor all around the basket.  For whatever reason, I guess because he was sick, he had not done it yet on Tuesday.  Instead he calmly walked over to the basket and proceeded to throw up in it and on every single toy in it!  I seriously contemplated just chucking the whole thing in the trash but he’s spoiled rotten and probably has about $100 in toys in there so instead I carted the whole disgusting mess over to the garbage can and shook all the loose pieces into the garbage and wiped them off and then threw them all in the washing machine.  Where I washed them all twice before drying them.

close up of clean toys

So let’s do a head count here… Poe threw up in the hallway, Hellboy in the living room, LaLa in the dining room and Chorizo had to top them all by throwing up behind the TV AND in his toy box.  The only ones who had NOT thrown up were Suki (because we haven’t seen her in like a month) and Milk Truck because she had been outside all day!  I was thoroughly exhausted and disgusted. 

His teddy bear atop the pile.

I was getting ready to go in and take a shower because I felt so disgusting and dirty that it wasn’t even funny.  As I walked into our bedroom I couldn’t believe it… a HUGE puddle of what can only be described  as vomit slime probably a foot wide by two feet long.  I can only surmise that it must have been Chorizo because there was no way he could have had anything left in his stomach.  It was like the slime that comes out of an aloe plant.  I couldn’t even get it up with paper towels.  It just kind of slid around.  I’m telling you it was the worst.

Afterwards Chorizo was all snuggled up asleep holding his teddy. How could you be mad at that?

I washed my hands and face, stuck Chorizo in the bathroom and got my keys and went straight to Kroger and rented a carpet shampooer.  I spent the next several hours shampooing every carpeted surface in our house (our bedroom twice) and then moved the furniture (after I found vomit again, this time under the end table) in the living room and disinfected and scrubbed the tile floors in the living room, dining room and kitchen.  Then hubby called and said he was on his way home, did I want to go to dinner and a movie?  I told him I was exhausted but I could sure use a drink!  So, I got dressed and we went out to dinner (where I had a nice margarita) and we get home and I walk in the bedroom and there is a pile of dried vomit on the floor, next to the bed!  Are you freaking kidding me??? And then hubby noticed there was also some on the comforter.  And guess who is sitting right next to it?  Milk Truck!  The only one who hadn’t thrown up all day long.  We had let her in right before we left for dinner!  Oh, well, I guess nobody wanted to be left out.  What a perfect way to end a perfect day!


About pegbur7

South of the Mason/Dixon Line
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6 Responses to Where’s Ralph?

  1. What a terrible day. It must have felt like taking part in a horror movie. I do hope all your animals have finally got it all out of their system.

    • pegbur7 says:

      It was disgusting Valerie! I so glad that they all seem to be over it for now! Took Lala and Poe to the vet this morning for their yearly vaccines and they said Lala’s throat was red and irritated (who knew cats got sore throats?) but her lungs were clear so I guess it was a virus of some sort….

  2. Ron says:

    “I don’t know how one cat could physically throw up that much stuff! It covered almost the entire width of the hallway.”

    OMG, Peg, I know EXACTLY what you mean because when my cat Jerry would throw up, he would projectile vomit clear across the room!!! He looked like Linda Blair in the movie The Exorcist!

    Sorry you had such a rough day, dear friend.

    Hope they’re all doing better now.

    Have a great weekend!


    P.S. love that last shot of Chorizo. How adorable!

  3. Lisa says:

    Been there, done that. Kinda makes one want to rip up all the carpet and put in hardwood floors!

    • pegbur7 says:

      We have tile floors everywhere except the bedrooms but they of course had to get the carpeted bedroom floors too! Makes me want to rip those up and put hardwood in for sure!

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