Forgiveness. The topic of this week’s Spin Cycle. I have come to think of forgiveness as sort of a fluid, living, breathing entity. I view it this way because it always seems to change depending on the thing that needs to be forgiven and the person doing the forgiving. There are so many levels to forgiveness and forms of forgiveness.
Are you a forgiving person? Do you forgive and forget? Or do you forgive but hold a grudge? If you don’t forget are you really forgiving? Can you really forget when you’ve been wronged? I mean, how CAN you forget? Do they mean forgive in the sense that you don’t dwell on it every time you see the person who wronged you? I don’t think there is any way you could actually completely forget unless you have a complete lapse of memory.
Case in point, I have a “friend” who used to constantly down me and belittle me. It bothered me a lot. I forgave her but I have not forgotten or I
wouldn’t be telling you about it now, right? But I have forgotten in the sense that I don’t dwell on it. I don’t obsess over it and think about it all
the time. I can still be around her and be friendly and civil because I forgave her. Didn’t I?
Then there are the situations where people will say they will forgive someone’s transgressions IF…. And then they have a list of stipulations that must be met in order for the forgiveness to come to fruition. So I ask you, can it be considered forgiveness if you have to hold the forgiveness ransom until the stipulations are met? I’m not sure if true forgiveness can be conditional. Can there be conditional forgiveness?
I like to consider myself a forgiving person for the most part. I do not forget. I’m sorry. I’ve tried but I guess I’m not that good of a person. And I think for the most part I have been able to forgive most people most transgressions against me other than one that I have not been able to force myself to. I’ve tried but I guess I’m not that evolved yet.
I hope to someday be the kind of person that can forgive those things. I recently read a book about a man who murdered two children because he was mentally ill. After a few hellish years the parents of the murdered girls met with and forgave the man who murdered their daughters. I don’t know if I will ever be that evolved. But I can hope.
How about you? Are you a forgiving person? How forgiving are you?