Time for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop again and this time I chose prompt #2.) Write about a time when jealousy got the best of you.
I guess I must admit that I tend to be the jealous type. Sometimes it’s worse than others. I have finally (after almost 30 years) grown enough confidence in the fact that my husband loves me to not let it overwhelm me most of the time but there have been times where it has gotten the best of me.
When I was growing up and even after I left home being constantly belittled and told how unworthy and unattractive you are takes a toll. I allowed other people to influence how I felt about myself rather than believe that I could be worthy enough of someone’s love to not be jealous and think that any little floozy out there was capable of taking my husband’s love and affection away from me. I realize how silly that sounds now but at the time being still quite naïve I found it hard to believe that to him I was the most beautiful woman in the world and that he loved me unconditionally. I wasn’t used to that kind of affection or attention.
Add to my insecurities the fact that shortly after we got married I was involved in a car accident and was on multiple medications which somewhat warped my thinking. Okay… made me a raving lunatic at times. I think I have mentioned previously that I spent about 6 months on my sofa pretty much whacked out of my mind on valium and painkillers which distorted my sensibilities enormously.
My husband used to like to go out with the guys after work for a beer or two. Since I was unable to go with him most of the time because #1 I was whacked out on the medicine and #2 I was pretty much confined to our apartment, I would get a little (okay…. A LOT) jealous when he’d go out without me. A lot of times he’d just go and not tell me so when he didn’t answer the phone at work (no cell phones back then) and it took him longer to get home than I knew it should then I knew he was with the guys at the bar.
Being young and stupid when he did get home I’d light into him about being out and try to trip him up to find out if he had been with another woman. Had I known him then like I know him now I would have known he just wasn’t the type to be that way. I just didn’t have enough confidence in myself or our relationship to believe it. So, yes, I was insanely jealous.
Add to that the fact that my husband is and always has been drop dead gorgeous and I knew women threw themselves at him on a daily basis. Being a good ole’ boy from Harlem, GA, he was just too naïve to realize what they were up to. They would even flirt with him in front of me. To fan the flames even more, I knew that the female bartender at the bar he liked to frequent with the guys had “the hots” for him BIG time. She made no bones about putting the moves on him and she didn’t care who was around.
One time I did actually feel up to going out with him and we were going to a party at this particular bar and when we walk in, guess who is behind the bar? YEP… Little Miss Floozy! I knew who she was but she didn’t know who I was and hubby being the guy that he is, really didn’t have any idea how she felt about him. When we walked in he introduced me to her as his wife, but, that didn’t faze her in the least.
Every time I looked up at the bar she was boring holes through us. I know I had been shooting daggers at her all night with my eyes and I had been deflecting the ones coming back from her. Women can usually read other women’s intentions even if men are sometimes too dumb to catch them. I knew without a doubt that if she had her way, she would have her way with him!
At one point during the evening he went up to the bar to get me another drink and I watched as she leaned across the bar provocatively, put her arm around his neck, pulled him closer to her and whispered something in his ear. He turned beet red and started vehemently shaking his head no, literally backing away from the bar. I knew she had to have made some sort of suggestion to him by the way he reacted and when he came back from the bar I was pissed! I was fuming. I knew I should have been mad at HER but I was mad at BOTH of them! I demanded to know what she had said and he stammered and made up some lame question that she had asked him (a lie). I even told him right then that I knew (call it women’s intuition?) she made a sexual advance towards him.
He denied that she had said anything overt to him (I knew he was lying and I shouldn’t have been mad at him but I was) and told me to just settle down. He assured me that everything was innocent and that he would have no intention of ever doing anything with another woman even if she had said anything which just confirmed to me that she had.
He and I were still arguing when we needed more refills. He said he’d go and get them and I told him I’d go with him. I’m not sure what he thought I was going to do but he insisted on going alone. When he walked up she leaned over the bar again and he (I guess instinctively) backed up so she couldn’t reach him. The whole time he was ordering our drinks she was glaring at me. I know because I was glaring at her! I took my eyes away from her for less than ten seconds when a piece of ice hit me in the head! WTF?? I gotta give her props for her aim AND her cajones! Talk about furious! I looked up and she was looking dead at me with a smirk on her face. Hell flew in me. I jumped up from the table and grabbed the piece of ice where it had fallen on the table, and started storming off to the bar.
Hubby looked scared as I slammed the piece of ice down on the bar and said “Tell your girlfriend she can have her ice back!” (I may or may not have used a little more colorful language) Hubby was like “What the hell are you talking about?” I picked up the piece of ice and threw it right back at her and it hit her I think on the neck. She looked shocked that I was standing there and had enough nerve to do back to her what she had done to me. She started stammering and I just said “Thanks for the ice but NO THANKS! I have plenty enough in my drink!” and stormed out of the bar.
I don’t know what I was thinking. I just knew I had to get out of there or I’d probably be throwing fists next and I didn’t want to get arrested. Hubby I think was more scared than anything. He tried to assure me that she hadn’t done it but there was and still is no doubt in my mind that she had thrown the ice at me because he rebuffed her advances. He did later admit to me that she had blatantly asked him to sleep with her…. When she knew I was right there. I don’t know if she was just the kind of person that got off on trying to steal another woman’s man (because she knew he was married) or whether she just wanted him and didn’t care who stood in the way. Either way, I guess I could have handled it differently but I did let my jealousy get the best of me. Hopefully I have calmed down. I do know now that I don’t have to worry. I do finally have enough confidence in our relationship that I don’t have to worry about other women when they throw themselves at him because they still occasionally do. I know I’m the one he comes home to and that he’s just not that kind of man. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves me and only me. I am indeed a lucky woman.