Keeping It Between The Ditches

Describe the worst driver you know.

Bonus: What do you do to avoid ever having to get in a car with them behind the wheel?

First let me preface this by saying I love my family very much cause I know I’ll probably catch some flak for this one but….has that every stopped me before?

I would say the worst “driver” I know would be any combination of my two older sisters.  Either of them, independently would more than qualify but the combination of the two of them is almost more than I can handle. How one family got blessed this much to have them both be independently awful drivers I’ll never know. 

Some background info might be enlightening.  Our mother did not get her driver’s license until I think she was in her thirties .  She drove before then but not much.  She would drive to the store or the trash dump or something but that was about it.  There were six of us kids so I’m sure there was no way her nerves could have handled teaching six kids to drive.  She had a hard enough time just keeping us from killing each other. There were 4 girls and 2 boys and my dad taught the boys to drive so I guess it was automatically assumed that our mother would teach  us girls to drive.  I think trying to teach us about drove her over the edge so she pretty much let us fend for ourselves.

I remember the first time my mom tried to teach me to drive it was snowing and she tried to get me to drive us home and I promptly ran us into a ditch after about a ½ mile.  She drove the rest of the way home and when we got there the handed me the keys and told me to drive myself and if I got scared to pull over on the side of the road and walk home!  That was of course in the days before cell phones.  That was the last time I think she rode in a car with me until after I had my license.  Her nerves couldn’t take it.  She left it to the school driving instructors to teach us.

So, when my oldest sister got to the age to drive it was probably even worse.  I’m not sure how she did in driver’s education class but when she went to get her license and she had to take the driving test she pulled off as the instructor/tester was getting into the car.  Seriously, he had one leg inside the car and ended up hopping down the sidewalk on one leg until he could get her to stop.  And amazingly he STILL gave her a license!

And she hasn’t gotten any better.  In fact, she is probably worse because now she can’t see to drive either so she’s all over the place, literally. 

The younger of my two older sisters is even worse, if that is possible. She means well but if she ever offers to drive you anywhere, you might be better off walking!  When she was taking driver’s education, the “teacher” told her to just follow the lines and stick close to the outside edge so when she came to a right turn, you know how the dotted lines sometimes move around to the right to follow the road?  Well, she followed the line and when she got to where it turned she pulled back out into the main road.  She took what he told her very literally. 

As she got older, she did NOT get better, at least not at driving.  In fact during one winter, she hit so many deer in such a short span of time that I’m pretty sure the hunters starting following her around!  They knew she’d eventually flush them out and wanted to be prepared!  As her nervousness behind the wheel got worse, she started having accidents more frequently until at one point within the space of about 6 weeks she had 3 accidents.  In one she took off someone’s front porch… entirely.  Then she swerved to avoid a deer and ran down through someone’s yard and hit a boulder and then the coup de grace was when she slipped her car a couple of times and ended up upside down I believe in a creek.

The last time I rode with her we were on the way to a funeral and she ran into the ditch before we’d even gone a hundred yards and scared me to death.  I thought that before we got there that they’d have to reserve us a room.  My dad calls her and my other sister the ditch cleaners and the tree top choppers.  I think that is a pretty accurate description of how they drive.  So if either of them offers to drive you anywhere, in all honesty, I think I’d refuse. . . as quickly as possible.  Unless you like having your life flash before your eyes.

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About pegbur7

South of the Mason/Dixon Line
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6 Responses to Keeping It Between The Ditches

  1. Dwight Burke says:

    WOW,Am I relieved? When I saw the title, I thought that I was again the topic of your BLOG! Yes it is true,that in our family,we have some very bad drivers. The sad thing is that,they think they are very good drivers.
    On the other hand,I never say that. I know that I am distracted at a moment’s notice. We have the Deer Hunter, The Tree Topper and the Cornstalker. Sad! Dwight

  2. Ron says:

    ” Seriously, he had one leg inside the car and ended up hopping down the sidewalk on one leg until he could get her to stop. And amazingly he STILL gave her a license!”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG, how funny!

    “In one she took off someone’s front porch… entirely. Then she swerved to avoid a deer and ran down through someone’s yard and hit a boulder and then the coup de grace was when she slipped her car a couple of times and ended up upside down I believe in a creek.”

    HOLY COW!!!!

    Remind me to never get into a car with your older sisters.

    And if I do….I’ll be wearing a crash helmet – HA!

    Fab post, Peg!

    X

  3. While I actually find this funny, it’s also disturbing to know these are not the worst drivers I can think of. 🙂

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