Talking The Talk

I touched on the subject the other day that my husband is a sleeptalker. He doesn’t sleep walk… he sleep talks, especially if he is REALLY tired or anxious about something. And he had two very distinct patterns to his sleep talking. In one form he truly believes he is at another time in his life and he might talk to you as if you are someone else. In the other form, he will carry on a conversation about something that’s been on his mind as if he were awake but his eyes are closed and he’s mumbling instead of talking. And he won’t shut up! It really does drive me insane.

Case in point, shortly after we got married he started mumbling in his sleep one night. I tried nudging him to wake him up so he’d stop but he was like dead to the world. He was obviously carrying on a conversation with someone and it was very detailed but I couldn’t make out what he was saying because he was mumbling (which drives me crazy…either talk or be quiet but don’t mumble!) Anyway, he keeps talking and talking and finally he turns over and throws his arm over me and goes “I LOVE you…..Pam!”

WTF? WHO the hell is PAM? And they the eff are you telling her you LOVE her when we’ve only been married a few months? And more importantly…. Are you ready to DIE? I’m totally serious when I say that I was shocked to say the least. First he’s been mumbling unintelligibly all night and now the ONE thing he says so clearly is I love you PAM??? Now, I’m trying to smack him awake and find out who the hell Pam is and where this slut my husband is in love lives so I can go kill her too! I can’t get him awake so I start asking him random questions. I asked him what year it was and he said like 1979 or 1980, wither way, it was 1982 by now and we’d met in 1981 so this was before we met.

By the questions I was asking and the answers he was giving me it was evident that he truly thought it was NOT 1982. Apparently this Pam was some hussy he dated before he met me. I can call her a hussy because I don’t know her. Never met her and don’t care to so as long as she’s a stranger, she’s a hussy. She might very well be a nice girl but since my husband apparently loved her before he met me, she’s a hussy to me… m’K? Anyway, he really in his mind at that time thought he was living in Alabama and it was 1982 and I was Pam!

The next morning he had absolutely NO recollection of any of the hours long conversation we had and really thought I was making it up except for the fact that there was no way I could have known all that stuff about Pam unless he had told me. He was as stunned as I was by the impromptu confessional.

The next time that I can remember that he was really transported to another time in his own mind while he was sleeping was when we were living in Virginia. We moved to VA in the summer of 1991 and lived there until like January of 1993. And it wasn’t COLD weather so it had to be sometime around the spring of 1992. The girls would have been like 7 and 9 and the baby wasn’t quite a year old. He had probably just been promoted to General Manager of the restaurant he was working for and had a lot going on. He obviously had a lot on his mind.

The house we lived in was an OLD old house that had been built onto a country store back in the I think 1930’s or so. The bedrooms were all upstairs. At the top of the stairs was the bathroom. To the left were #1 and #2’s bedroom and the guest room. To the right of the stairs was the baby’s bedroom and our bedroom. Our bedroom had a door to the hallway and a door that adjoined to the baby’s room. Her crib was underneath the window on the same wall as ours was. We had a California King Waveless Waterbed.

One night (actually early morning… probably around 2 or 3 in the morning) I awaken when hubby jumps out of bed like he’s on fire. He runs into the baby’s room, stares into her crib for about 30 seconds and comes back in our room and flops across our bed sideways! Which considering how tall hubby is, means he’s pretty much covering the entire bed and laying across my lap.

I’m trying to roll him off me and I ask “Is the baby okay?” and he asks “What baby?” Not realizing that he’s sleep talking, at first I think he’s joking, and I go “DUH… OUR baby!” Still sound asleep apparently he says “Ha! WE don’t have any babies! What are you talking about?” Then I’m astounded and say “Um…. Honey we have THREE kids… where have you been the last 8 or 9 years?” So we go on to have this like 20 minute long conversation in which I can’t convince him that we have children but do find out that he thinks its 1982 and that we are living in New Orleans. So, oddly he does have the dates straight with where we or he is living at the time he seems to think it is.

His other “type” of sleeptalking is when something is bothering him and he starts talking about it in his sleep, such as his spilling the beans on the whole renewing our vows thing. He has many a time told me things he didn’t intend to tell me while he was asleep. Sometimes I don’t tell him. There’s still things I know that’s he has told me that I haven’t told him I know. There’s gotta be a little mystery. Right?


About pegbur7

South of the Mason/Dixon Line
This entry was posted in Just Stupid Stuff We've Done and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Talking The Talk

  1. terrepruitt says:

    That is so funny. He “tells” on himself. My husband talks in his sleep but it never makes sense. But it is often funny.

    • pegbur7 says:

      I know what you mean. Lots of times he’ll start talking about pulling the shrimp from the cooler and food costs etc…. then I realize he’s talking about work…..

  2. SuziCate says:

    This is hilarious, absolutely priceless! And at least he does have his happenings in chronological order!

  3. Ron says:

    “She might very well be a nice girl but since my husband apparently loved her before he met me, she’s a hussy to me… m’K? ”

    Bwhahahahahahhahaha! OMG Peg, that was hysterical!

    I honestly can’t get over how vividly he talks in his sleep – amazing!


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