What’s the most important thing you’re putting off? And why haven’t you done it yet? What do you need to make it happen?
This was the topic on the Postaday2011 blog post the other day. I’ve put off even writing about it because even writing about it makes me nervous. I have been putting off going back to my gynecologist to have my possible/very probable most likely inevitable hysterectomy scheduled.
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while then you know my gynecological woes. If not, you can go here and read them. After my last fiasco of going back to have my vaginal ultrasound done for the second time and being confronted by the technician who left the freaking wand inside my hoohah I have not been real keen on going back. He had told me to come back in a couple of months and it’s been about a year.
When I last went in he told me I had a cyst about the size of a large lemon on my ovary which might dissolve on its own. He also told me he wanted to put me on birth control pills which sometimes help shrink cysts. I’m not too keen on putting hormones or chemicals into my body willy nilly. I had a tubal ligation when I had my youngest daughter so there is really no need for “birth control” and I’m not keen on “hormone therapy”. I would much rather take something more natural.
He had told me 2 years ago I was “in the midst” of menopause (he thought…according to my hormone levels) and then last year he told me I was “pre-menopausal” which made no sense to me to go from being in the midst to just starting it. I think either he’s confused or my hormones are masters of disguise. I think they are wiley little boogers.
I have had no real menopausal symptoms since my false alarm of thinking I was having hot flashes. I had about a week or two of tortuous hell with my entire body turning beet red and everyone around me running the risk of spontaneously bursting into flame if they got too close only to find out it was NOT my hormones or menopause. It was the fact that I was taking Niacin. The pharmacist told me that Niacin was quick release and would cause those symptoms and sure enough thinking back every “hot flash” episode happened within five minutes of taking Niacin. I quit taking it immediately and never had another “hot flash”. It was more like a slow burning hell with a sudden onset.
So what I have been putting off is going in to find out if I indeed do need to have a hysterectomy and if I do, when to schedule it. Almost every woman I have talked to that has had one has told me it’s the best thing they have had done which kind of makes me want to go ahead and get it over with but still… it’s major surgery. I hate the thought of being incapacitated for a while. I was putting it off at first because we were giving that party for our parent’s 60th anniversary and I knew we’d be physically pushing it so I wanted to wait until it was over. Then I was waiting until after the 3 day walk which I wimped out on. Then I ran out of excuses other than just being chicken. I have so many things I want to do and I can’t see myself taking a whole month or two off where I can’t travel or really go where I want, when I want. I know I’m grasping at straws here, but DANG…. I’m not sure I’m ready to totally part with my “lady parts” as my hubby would call it.
I know I’d probably feel better and the pains and twinges I’ve been having would probably be gone (after the soreness of surgery was over) and the “threat” of the cyst exploding (yeah, I have a vivid imagination) no matter how real or imagined, would no longer be there. I guess it’s really just a matter of just biting the bullet and making the appointment and going in and finding out what I actually am looking at. I’m a chicken and I know it. Going to the gynecologist to me is ten times worse than going to the dentist (which is my husband’s BIG fear) and I’ve had such a great track record with doctors I’ve just been waiting and hoping the pain will stop on its own.
So, that is what I’ve been putting off and that is WHY I’ve been putting it off. Can someone just do the genie blink thing like on I Dream of Genie and just make my uterus and ovaries magically disappear? I’ll be happy to pay you tomorrow…..