Non-returnable

My husband’s brother visited us for a few days this week.  Not nearly long enough but we really enjoyed his company.  While he was here we didn’t really GO out and do anything.  I cooked dinner one night and hubby cooked the other and we just sat around watching TV and talking and I really enjoyed his company.

One night during our evening conversation he said something that has stuck with me and really been bothering me the last couple of days.  He was talking about his daughter and her friends.  He was telling us about her best friend and how they had me this girls “parents”.  He said the very first time he had ever met this girls mom, she said something to the effect of “That’s my daughter…. Well, she not my real daughter.  She’s adopted.”

I was floored.  Absolutely horrified!  How could a parent say something like that about their child!  I mean, come on!  You may not have given birth to the child, but, she is YOURS nonetheless.  In fact, I would think since you asked for her rather than just by chance found yourself pregnant, I would think that would qualify her as really being your real daughter.  Can you imagine how this poor child feels?

Not only that, but, apparently the mom is divorced from this child’s adopted father and is now married to a man who wants absolutely nothing to do with any child and barely tolerates her presence. There is NO interaction between them.  They don’t talk.  He allows her to stay in the house because he is married to her adoptive mother, which I am sure he uses every chance he gets to remind her of. 

It makes me want to go find this poor girl and wrap her in a big hug and bring her home.  Apparently they are extremely strict on her which leads me to believe that as soon as this child is able she will be gone from them and never look back.  I just don’t understand.  Seriously.  He says she is a very sweet child and very mannerly but obviously wanting of affection and acceptance.

Then he goes on to tell me the story of another man he knows who had tried and tried with his wife to conceive a child and they couldn’t so they adopted a child.  I know the child was older than a baby but not sure how old but they had adopted him and when he was about 7 years old (I think he said 7) the wife found herself pregnant so they “turned him back in” to the state.  I’m sorry… I didn’t realize they had a return policy on children!  Are children like goods now that you purchase from the store?  If you take it home and don’t like it you can just return it?  Like a defective play toy or something?  Oh, I’m sorry I found out someone else is going to give us a “Tommy” so we won’t be needing this one anymore.  You can have it back. 

WTH is wrong with people?  Children are not possessions and they are not returnable.  Once they are yours, I think they should pretty much be yours forever!  Even if they are “damaged goods” you should not have the option to turn them back in.  I’m sorry but this has been bothering me for days now.  Am I the only one incensed by this?

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About pegbur7

South of the Mason/Dixon Line
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21 Responses to Non-returnable

  1. dwight says:

    Peggy what a great blog. I feel the same way. It has been bothering me also(are we not connected at the hip!) I would not know where or who,I would be without Richard and Bobby’s family. Mrs. T was my mother and always treated me as her son. Everyday I try to make her proud of me. Every time I see our daughter Sara,it makes me so happy,that her name has lived on! You are the best wife and mother,any man could as for! Dwight

  2. jenny says:

    I find this apalling!!! People like this do not deserve children. My adopted daughter was mine as soon as I put her in my arms and I considered her a gift from God!! I have a biological son and could not love one more than the other. They are my children through the good and the bad and my heart aches for them the same when I see them making bad decisions.
    Dwight…Mrs. T would be very proud of you and I know she loved you as one of her own and I know that Bobby thinks of you as a brother. Even though Bobby adopted Chris, she never showed any favoritism between him and the other grandkids. Before she passed away, she told me that she knew Bobby and I would get our daughter and she would love for her to have her namesake. So yes, between the four of us her name will live on. I miss her very much and only wished she had lived long enough to see our Sara Elizabeth. Can’t believe she’s been gone almost 26 years!!

    • pegbur7 says:

      I know Jenny. I miss her too. She was a great lady. She got a double dose of the namesakes between our two familes! And we think of you guys as much of our family as any biological siblings could be.

  3. Ron says:

    *gasp*

    Yeah…I’m FLOORED too.

    Considering there are so many couples who cannot conceive children and would LOVE to adopt, but for one reason or another are having difficulties.

    I can’t help but think that this girl is very aware about how her parents feel; feeling unwanted. How sad.

    “Children are not possessions and they are not returnable.”

    Exactly, Peg!

    Great post, dear friend! Thank you for sharing.

    X

    • pegbur7 says:

      Thanks Ron. It just breaks my heart to think how this girl must feel. And how that poor boy must have felt being “returned”. If he didn’t have problems before, I am sure he did after.

  4. That is incredible! Really…..makes me very sad.

    I tried so hard to have another baby. I lost FIVE and not a one do I not think about. I can’t wait to get to heaven to see them and hold them. I love them and have never met them. God gave me my two step-daughters and the ONLY reason I refer to them as step is because I don’t want to offend their mother but they are MINE. Completely. I love them like my own.
    My only consultation for those people is that maybe, they are missing love too and that is why they withhold it.

    Hugs all around….

    • pegbur7 says:

      I am so sorry for your losses. I know how hard that can be. I don’t know how you went through FIVE. One was enough to knock me for a loop. I just can’t imagine anyone ever mistreating a child and yes, ignoring them is mistreating them as much as physically mistreating them.

  5. susan sheppard says:

    WTH peg. that makes me sad and mad.there is to much bad in this world for the children to be put thru things like that.i can totally relate. children are a gift from God and are only on loan to us. we should
    cherish every second with them. i love u peg.u too dwight.

    • pegbur7 says:

      Thanks Susan. I’m so glad you stopped by! I know how you feel about how children are treated as we’ve discussed it before. You have a heart like mine and it breaks for them. Love you too!

  6. In California, I think you can legally “turn in” your kids if you no longer want them. You just drop them off at a hospital and relinquish custody. I think this is not that bad an idea. Why keep a kid if you don’t want them. That can lead to abusive treatment. I think the cut off age is 19, but I’m not sure.

    • pegbur7 says:

      I can see your point but why adopt a child and then not treat them like your own?

      • Peg, I was of course being silly. My dog Harry was returned to the “night drop box” three times. I could never do such a thing to a dog. Any person who adopts a child is that child’s parent for better or for worse. The person who raises a child is that child’s parent and I apologize for being stupid and flippant about it.

      • pegbur7 says:

        It’s okay Linda. No worries. I do understand there are some people who should NOT have children. I just feel that those that go to the lengths to adopt a child and then send it back? I just don’t understand.

      • terrepruitt says:

        Well there is the “no questions asked” or Safe Haven (?) law. I am not sure all the states it is in, but its in Nevada and California, where a baby can be dropped off at a Firestation or a hospital with no questions asked — as in if you bring the child in to surrender it, no charges will be pressed.

  7. Jimmy says:

    I am with you and understand completely why this bothers you, we have way too many children who need someone to love them and when we take one home with us it is for keeps.

    I think if you take a child into your home you should love them as your own as you have accepted them as your own by taking them in, if you don’t want children then don’t take them in—just saying.

  8. Carol says:

    The incredible self-centeredness and selfishness of people sometimes just makes me fume! What? That child you adopted was just to make you feel better because you couldn’t have one of “your own”? Is he/she not a real being with real feelings of his/her own? Doesn’t he/she matter too? In these instances, I fervently hope that what goes around comes around and that the children that are treated as second-class beings fare better than the “adults” that were too stupid to appreciate them.

  9. LisaF says:

    Oh Peg, don’t you know that children are simply accessories? It does appear that many people feel this way and it’s horrid. It’s so sad that when legitimate couples yearn to adopt and genuinely love a child, they are instead given to these types of people. Give a child back? How disgraceful.

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