I’m feeling a little melancholy this evening. I’m feeling a little disappointed in myself. I’ve been spending the weekend being a little contemplative.
One year ago this weekend I spent the most amazing weekend. I spent the weekend walking 60 miles…. For a cause. Last year I walked the Susan G Komen 3 Day Walk. We basically walked from Lake Lanier, GA to The Ted (otherwise known as Turner Field) in downtown Atlanta. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It was also one of the most gratifying things I’ve ever done. To know that I was a part of something so much bigger than myself. To know that I was helping in some small way. To know that I was helping raise money to hopefully one day find a cure.
I have lost so many friends and had so many people that I know affected by breast cancer. My friend Wanda that I wrote about a while back. Several moms that I have known through my kids. Family friends. I have two aunts that have been battling this disease and a cousin. And my niece is still battling it. I am very afraid for her that she is fighting a losing battle. The last time she went in the doctors told her 6 months. The breast cancer has spread to her brain, lungs, bones, etc. She has two young children. She is way too young to be going through this. Of course any age is too young to be battling cancer. I heard last week about a young girl who is maybe 18 years old who was just recently diagnosed. WAY WAY too young.
I had every intention of walking again this year. I signed up almost immediately after I finished the walk last year. Even though I had blisters on top of blisters and bruised feet and exhaustion beyond comprehension I still signed up to walk again. Last year I started training in early February. This year I still didn’t have a toenail on my right big toe in February. I couldn’t wear a closed toed shoe for several months afterwards so I put off training because every time I tried walking it hurt like heck with not having a toenail and that tender skin rubbing against the inside of my shoe, even bandaging it and padding it.
I had paid my entry fee when I signed up and had gotten several donations but hadn’t gone all out like I had last year so I was nowhere near where I wanted to be with that either. Then before I knew it summer was upon us and the sweltering heat this year seemed even more stifling than last year. Finally, I guess in July, I “gave up the ghost” and decided there was NO WAY I’d be able to either finish raising the rest of the money I needed to raise in order to walk (you have to raise a minimum of $2,300 in order to participate in the walk of cough up the remainder yourself) and I knew was nowhere near the shape I need to be in to finish the walk. I had a hard enough time last year.
So, with a heavy heart I called them in July and begged off from the walk. As much as I wanted to do it, I knew I couldn’t. I tried to switch from being a walker to a crew member but they said it was too late for that because they had already been doing the training for that too. So, this weekend was the walk here in Atlanta. Every time I see someone’s update on FaceBook I feel bad. I feel like a bum because I didn’t do what I set out to do. They of course still keep whatever money I had raised and my entry fee so in that very small way I helped a little… but I really wanted to be there and be a part of it. To be a part of something so monumental again.
I have signed up for Relay for Life for next Spring. Not sure if I’m gonna try to undertake the 60 mile walk again. It really is hard on you physically. I’m not sure I can handle that again. But maybe next year I can at least sign up to crew and it won’t be near the physical stress the walk is and I’ll still be helping in some way. I’m including some of my favorite pics of last year’s walk. Enjoy and if you have a few extra bucks lying around, please donate to the Susan G Komen Foundation or any of those searching for a cure for breast cancer. Too many lives have been lost already.