You know you live in the country when you have actually met people whose living room furniture doubles as lawn maintenance equipment. Maybe I said that backwards, but, either way, you have to admit it’s pretty darn redneck. I was reminded of this story the other morning when Hubby and I were talking about “You know you live in the country when…..”
A couple of years ago Hubby and I were eating at one of our regular “haunts” when the hostess came over to talk to us. During that time we ate at this restaurant at least once a week and the regular hostesses, waitresses and managers all knew us and at some point during our meal they would drop by our table to talk to us. This particular day the hostess had come over to tell us about her house she was buying. She was at the time living in a trailer and was very excited that she and her husband were able to save up enough to buy a house.
She was telling us how one of the waitresses had come to her house a few evenings before and after the girl had come into her house she had turned to the hostess and said “Ummmm, you DO realize you have a riding mower in your living room, right?” Then, in all seriousness she says “And I told her ‘Well, DUH! Do you think I’m going to leave it outside so someone can steal it?” It was all Hubby and I could do NOT to bust out laughing, in her face. Thankfully we controlled ourselves because I would have hated to have hurt her feelings. At first we thought she was pulling our leg, but, no… they kept their riding mower in the living room. The waitress later confirmed it. I guess it was convenient when they didn’t feel like walking to the bathroom. Just fire that bad boy up and ride in comfort and style. I am a little curious as to how they got it into the trailer.
I thought about that because Hubby was telling me that had he stopped at the little gas station down the street from our house the other day and while he’s walking in a guy drives up to the gas pumps on his lawn mower. Now, I don’t know whether he was running low while he was mowing the lawn and figured he may as well ride it to the store while he was in the mowing mode (didn’t he realize it would be cheaper to bring a gas can? Maybe not.). Maybe he lost his license for a DUI or something and figured if he couldn’t drive his car he’d drive his lawn mower. Either way, Hubby said that while the guy was getting off his mower the owner of the store came running out yelling at the guy saying “Didn’t I tell you not to drive your lawn mower down here anymore? You’re tearing up my parking lot!” Guess that means it wasn’t his first offense.
Then he tells me that he had to run an errand for work the other day and noticed a new “Mom & Pop” restaurant that had opened up and the sign outside said “All You Can Eat: Fried Chicken, Fried Green Tomatoes and Boiled Peanuts”. There are just so many things wrong with that sign I don’t even know where to start. Does that mean they are the only items you get all you can eat and is each a separate price or can you eat them all together?
A better question: Why would you WANT to? How many boiled peanuts can you eat at one sitting? I’m not sure if I’d want to eat boiled peanuts in a restaurant as part of my lunch or dinner. They are messy enough to eat and eating at those places with those roasted salted peanuts is messy enough. Can you imagine the mess that boiled peanuts would make? Where would you put the shells? Do they provide a bucket and a bib and a towel and maybe even a shower when you are through? Those things make a mess. There is really no way to eat them without making a mess. I really don’t think I want to venture in there. I know that I don’t have to eat them but I’d be stuck in the restaurant with all the rest of those people who ARE eating them.
Our last example and the one that sparked our discussion is that typically when you live in town or at least not in the boondocks, if somewhere is off limits to the general public you will see posted signs. Am I right or am I right? And most times those signs will say something like “NO TRESPASSING” and then some combination of no loitering, no gathering, no bicycles, no skateboards, no parking, or something to that effect. Well, this morning we were walking in our subdivision and I know I have shared previously that the golf course is closed and has been for several years. Our house backs up to the driving range. There is an empty lot next to our house and that lot is a corner lot. One side of it faces our street and the other faces the cross street which leads down to the closed golf course and closed golf shop.
For years they have had a barricade across the road but recently they have strung a cable across the road and added a posted sign. Would you like to venture what that sign says? It says “NO HUNTING”. WTH??? You would think if you live in a subdivision that would be a given. You would think that you wouldn’t have to tell people not to hunt in a populated subdivision. Obviously not. I think I have told you before that I have actually run into the hunters in the parking lot of the sales center and the hunters were the ones getting upset that the residents were walking on what they considered their hunting grounds. And our neighbors have called the police but were told that as long as they had permission from the golf course owners,(which I find highly unlikely since the builder went bankrupt and the bank took over the property) they can shoot their guns within 50 feet of a house.
I guess as further proof that you (I) live in the boonies is that a couple of years ago I was walking out there on the golf course and came upon a golf cart parked on the side of the path. Yes, this was after the course had been closed. And the whole thing was camo print. The seats, the steering wheel covers, the canopy top, the actual vehicle… But the most redneck (and scary part) was that it also had a gun rack mounted on it! I kid you not. A camo golf cart with a gun rack! I know Jeff Foxworthy lives in the Atlanta area. I wonder if he was visiting our neighborhood? You might be a redneck IF you have one of those vehicles. Nah, I’m pretty sure there is no might in that equation.
So if you want to see what true (redneck) country (boondocks) living is, yall come on down! We’d be happy to show yall around. We’ll even let you sit on the lawn mower.