This week the prompt I chose for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop is : 5.) It happened on Facebook…write about a funny or awkward conversation you saw unfold on Facebook.
A little background. I went to high school, as I’m sure many of you did, with some “mean girls”. In fact, I think I told the story of how Sam and I got to be best friends in middle school was because I was defending her to some of these “mean girls”. And I was one of those people, that while I would not have considered myself “popular”, I was friendly to everyone. I was, I guess, always the peacekeeper, at home and at school. I just wanted everyone to get along and be happy. I just didn’t and still don’t like conflict. I like to make everyone happy, which we all know it’s impossible to make everyone happy all the time.
There was this girl “Kay” in high school that was from the town next to us, but we went to the same high school because we only had one high school for the entire county. I always liked her and though we were friends, but, she kind of disappeared in 9th grade and I never saw or heard from her again. I mean, I had heard several different rumors, none of which I knew was true or not. A few months ago, I saw her on Facebook on another childhood friends “wall” commenting and sent her a friend request. I got a kind of odd “message” sent back to me, but, dummy that I am, I didn’t even think anything about it. She asked me what made me “friend” her and I responded that I had always liked her in school, since we had gone to elementary and middle school together, and thought we were friends then and I had often wondered what had happened to her and I have been making a concerted effort to reconnect with old friends so I thought I’d friend her. She responded pretty much that was cool and accepted my request.
I happened to go home a few weeks later and we got together for dinner. We had a great time. She had gone to school with my cousing so she joined us and we had a great time reliving the past. During the course of dinner she asked about several people we went to school with, one of them being the “mean girl” that I had to defend Sam from. I told her that I had actually had lunch with “Deb” last year when I went home because we WERE from the same town and she was one of the first friends I’d had as a child even though we had kind of grown apart in high school. I told her that Deb had certainly changed since school and that she was now quite religious and was very nice and actually tried to help people a lot and I was impressed with the person she had become and that I had enjoyed having lunch with her. Kay commented that she was surprised someone like her could change so dramatically and how Deb had made her life miserable in middle school and the 9th grade until she moved. I told her that she definitely HAD changed.
We posted some pics on FB of our “reunion” and apparently “Deb” saw them and made a comment on them and saw that I had found ‘Kay”.
A couple of weeks later Kay calls me and tells me that she can’t believe that “Deb” had the nerve to try to friend her on FB. I told her that I’m sure she (Deb), like me, considered anything that had happened 35 years ago when we were barely teens “water under the bridge” and I’m sure she meant no harm she was just being friendly to which Kay responded “Why the HELL would I want to be friends with HER? She made my life a miserable hell! I can’t believe the nerve of her!” So, I told her fine, just don’t friend her then. Kay was like “Too late! I sent her a message and I went OFF on her! I asked her why in the hell would I want to be friends with HER when all she’d EVER done was make my life miserable?” WTH??? I was in shock and I said “You didn’t REALLY say that did you?” (I could never be that confrontational even if I wanted to.) She was like “I most certainly DID!” She forwarded me the message she sent to Deb and it really wasn’t a nice email, even if Deb was mean to her. It was 35 freaking years ago! Geez…. Let bygones be bygones. Who holds a grudge over mean girls stuff for THAT long???
So, I barely hang up with her when Deb called me and asked if I had heard from Kay? I tried to evade answering directly and asked what was up and she proceeded to tell me about the message she got from Kay. Trying to play peacekeeper (as usual) I tried to explain that Kay HAD asked about her when we had dinner and I told her that she had changed a lot and was actually a really nice person now and very religious. Deb told me that yes, Kay HAD told her that much but that she (Deb) as feeling really guilty. She was like “I honestly do NOT remember doing anything to her in high school. I mean, I KNOW I wasn’t a nice person but I must have REALLY done something HORRIBLE to her for her to hate me that much. I really feel like I need to call her or something and apologize in person for whatever I did, even though I can’t remember it!” I assured her that she might NOT want to do that. I told her that some people just must not happy people and some times it’s best to just leave a situation alone and let it diffuse on its own. I told her it was probably best to just to move on and forget it. She kept saying how horrible she felt and that she REALLY felt the need to apologize. I really felt bad for her because it was obvious that she felt badly even though she had no idea what she might have done.
In the meantime, Kay calls me back to reiterate how she told Deb off but good and that she must be so scared now that she wouldn’t even respond. I told her (and that was a mistake) that Deb had called me all upset about the message and how she had no idea what she had done but felt like she should apologize even though she couldn’t remember what she had done. See? Wasn’t that PROOF of how much Deb had changed? To which Kay proclaimed she didn’t CARE how much she had changed, she was not forgiving her and didn’t want to be her friend. I just let her go on about it since I felt at this point there WAS no appeasing her. Then Deb calls me back and tells me that she had actually called her pastor and they had actually prayed together for Kay so that Kay might be able to find peace and forgiveness in her heart and that despite what she wanted to do (call and apologize) her pastor advised her to leave it alone since it seemed like such a volatile situation (smart man) and that sometimes it was best to just pray for the person and walk away (very smart man).
I felt it best to let the situation dissolve itself and try not to get in the middle of it (any more than I already was) and just try to change the subject if it came up. About a month later Kay posted something on her wall that was kind of “strange” and seemed to be directed at ME so I called her and asked her if everything was ok and she was a little evasive at first and then asked if I was “mad” at her for how she treated/responded to Deb. I told her no, I was not angry that I had nothing to do with how either of them treated each other but I did know that Deb had decided to let it go and just pray for her and hope that she could find her way to forgive her. She said ‘Well, I thought maybe you were mad about it since you hadn’t called me!” I explained that I hadn’t called because I’d been busy. I mean, prior to my contacting her on FB we hadn’t talked in 35 years and now I’m supposed to call every week ? Not that I didn’t enjoy our conversations, I loved catching up with her, but I do stay busy. Besides, the phone lines DO work both ways and she could certainly call me TOO if she wanted to talk.
I have since tried to kind of distance myself totally from the situation. I preferred not to get pulled into the middle of the situation to begin with. I like them both and don’t care to see either of them hurt. Besides, there’s enough drama on FB with current things without dragging high school stuff from 35 years ago into it. I think FB is a wonderful tool and I love it but I guess like anything else, it all depends on how you use it. Moral of the story: Be careful who you’re mean to in life because you never know how it affects other people and you can never underestimate how long someone can hold a grudge!
This story was brought to you courtesy of “mean girls”, high school drama, Facebook and Mama Kat.