Mean Girls Don’t Always STAY Mean

  

It happened on Facebook

This week the prompt I chose for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop is : 5.) It happened on Facebook…write about a funny or awkward conversation you saw unfold on Facebook. 

 A little background. I went to high school, as I’m sure many of you did, with some “mean girls”. In fact, I think I told the story of how Sam and I got to be best friends in middle school was because I was defending her to some of these “mean girls”. And I was one of those people, that while I would not have considered myself “popular”, I was friendly to everyone. I was, I guess, always the peacekeeper, at home and at school. I just wanted everyone to get along and be happy. I just didn’t and still don’t like conflict. I like to make everyone happy, which we all know it’s impossible to make everyone happy all the time. 

There was this girl “Kay” in high school that was from the town next to us, but we went to the same high school because we only had one high school for the entire county. I always liked her and though we were friends, but, she kind of disappeared in 9th grade and I never saw or heard from her again. I mean, I had heard several different rumors, none of which I knew was true or not. A few months ago, I saw her on Facebook on another childhood friends “wall” commenting and sent her a friend request. I got a kind of odd “message” sent back to me, but, dummy that I am, I didn’t even think anything about it. She asked me what made me “friend” her and I responded that I had always liked her in school, since we had gone to elementary and middle school together, and thought we were friends then and I had often wondered what had happened to her and I have been making a concerted effort to reconnect with old friends so I thought I’d friend her. She responded pretty much that was cool and accepted my request. 

I happened to go home a few weeks later and we got together for dinner.  We had a great time.  She had gone to school with my cousing so she joined us and we had a great time reliving the past.  During the course of dinner she asked about several people we went to school with, one of them being the “mean girl” that I had to defend Sam from. I told her that I had actually had lunch with “Deb” last year when I went home because we WERE from the same town and she was one of the first friends I’d had as a child even though we had kind of grown apart in high school. I told her that Deb had certainly changed since school and that she was now quite religious and was very nice and actually tried to help people a lot and I was impressed with the person she had become and that I had enjoyed having lunch with her. Kay commented that she was surprised someone like her could change so dramatically and how Deb had made her life miserable in middle school and the 9th grade until she moved. I told her that she definitely HAD changed. 

We posted some pics on FB of our “reunion” and apparently “Deb” saw them and made a comment on them and saw that I had found ‘Kay”. 

A couple of weeks later Kay calls me and tells me that she can’t believe that “Deb” had the nerve to try to friend her on FB. I told her that I’m sure she (Deb), like me, considered anything that had happened 35 years ago when we were barely teens “water under the bridge” and I’m sure she meant no harm she was just being friendly to which Kay responded “Why the HELL would I want to be friends with HER? She made my life a miserable hell! I can’t believe the nerve of her!” So, I told her fine, just don’t friend her then. Kay was like “Too late! I sent her a message and I went OFF on her! I asked her why in the hell would I want to be friends with HER when all she’d EVER done was make my life miserable?” WTH??? I was in shock and I said “You didn’t REALLY say that did you?”  (I could never be that confrontational even if I wanted to.)  She was like “I most certainly DID!” She forwarded me the message she sent to Deb and it really wasn’t a nice email, even if Deb was mean to her. It was 35 freaking years ago! Geez…. Let bygones be bygones. Who holds a grudge over mean girls stuff for THAT long??? 

So, I barely hang up with her when Deb called me and asked if I had heard from Kay? I tried to evade answering directly and asked what was up and she proceeded to tell me about the message she got from Kay. Trying to play peacekeeper (as usual) I tried to explain that Kay HAD asked about her when we had dinner and I told her that she had changed a lot and was actually a really nice person now and very religious. Deb told me that yes, Kay HAD told her that much but that she (Deb) as feeling really guilty. She was like “I honestly do NOT remember doing anything to her in high school. I mean, I KNOW I wasn’t a nice person but I must have REALLY done something HORRIBLE to her for her to hate me that much. I really feel like I need to call her or something and apologize in person for whatever I did, even though I can’t remember it!” I assured her that she might NOT want to do that. I told her that some people just must not happy people and some times it’s best to just leave a situation alone and let it diffuse on its own. I told her it was probably best to just to move on and forget it. She kept saying how horrible she felt and that she REALLY felt the need to apologize. I really felt bad for her because it was obvious that she felt badly even though she had no idea what she might have done. 

In the meantime, Kay calls me back to reiterate how she told Deb off but good and that she must be so scared now that she wouldn’t even respond. I told her (and that was a mistake) that Deb had called me all upset about the message and how she had no idea what she had done but felt like she should apologize even though she couldn’t remember what she had done. See? Wasn’t that PROOF of how much Deb had changed? To which Kay proclaimed she didn’t CARE how much she had changed, she was not forgiving her and didn’t want to be her friend. I just let her go on about it since I felt at this point there WAS no appeasing her. Then Deb calls me back and tells me that she had actually called her pastor and they had actually prayed together for Kay so that Kay might be able to find peace and forgiveness in her heart and that despite what she wanted to do (call and apologize) her pastor advised her to leave it alone since it seemed like such a volatile situation (smart man) and that sometimes it was best to just pray for the person and walk away (very smart man). 

I felt it best to let the situation dissolve itself and try not to get in the middle of it (any more than I already was) and just try to change the subject if it came up. About a month later Kay posted something on her wall that was kind of “strange” and seemed to be directed at ME so I called her and asked her if everything was ok and she was a little evasive at first and then asked if I was “mad” at her for how she treated/responded to Deb. I told her no, I was not angry that I had nothing to do with how either of them treated each other but I did know that Deb had decided to let it go and just pray for her and hope that she could find her way to forgive her. She said ‘Well, I thought maybe you were mad about it since you hadn’t called me!” I explained that I hadn’t called because I’d been busy.  I mean,  prior to my contacting her on FB we hadn’t talked in 35 years and now I’m supposed to call every week ?  Not that I didn’t enjoy our conversations, I loved catching up with her, but I do stay busy.  Besides, the phone lines DO work both ways and she could certainly call me TOO if she wanted to talk. 

I have since tried to kind of distance myself totally from the situation. I preferred not to get pulled into the middle of the situation to begin with.  I like them both and don’t care to see either of them hurt.  Besides, there’s enough drama on FB with current things without dragging high school stuff from 35 years ago into it. I think FB is a wonderful tool and I love it but I guess like anything else, it all depends on how you use it. Moral of the story: Be careful who you’re mean to in life because you never know how it affects other people and you can never underestimate how long someone can hold a grudge! 

This story was brought to you courtesy of “mean girls”, high school drama, Facebook and Mama Kat.

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About pegbur7

South of the Mason/Dixon Line
This entry was posted in Just Life, Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

32 Responses to Mean Girls Don’t Always STAY Mean

  1. Angelia Sims says:

    OH MY GOSH – like a flashback!! Ha!
    I know a few girls that hold grudges from those days. I just don’t get it. What a waste of mad…there you in right smack in the middle. Too funny!

    • pegbur7 says:

      I know and I just was trying to keep the peace! And they STILL drag me into it. I also found out about another girl (well woman now) who still HATES me from highs school because I dated someone in high school that she liked! ARe you frigging kidding me? That was 35 years ago and we BOTH married other people. Now, please tell me why you’d waste the energy to hate someone over THAT? geez, at least make it for a good reason!

  2. Erin says:

    Sounds like Kay is still very much affected…But once you say something you can’t take it back, words hit just as a fist. It’s hard to get over something that was done, but dang 35 years….come on…I wonder if Kay actually remembers what it is Deb did to her?

    I wasn’t a mean girl but probably why I am not on FB, if I wanted that kind of drama I’d go to a HS reunion! haha

    • pegbur7 says:

      I really don’t think it was any one thing (maybe it was, I don’t know) I think it was just general meaness because she really could be mean back then. That was how I ended up meeting my best friend from high school because Deb and another mean girl threatened to beat her up for no good reason other than she was the new girl and I stepped between them. I was actually scared to death she was gonna kick my butt but I think the fact that I stood up to her shocked her enough that she didn’t and I was sure glad! LOL

      • Erin says:

        It’s funny how our brains worked back then…I had a couple people threaten to kick my butt, it’s like that is all our brains knew! Well I am glad you are friends with both of them now!

  3. Kimberly says:

    Oh my goodness. It sounds like high school 35 years later. Facebook has definitely been an interesting addition in our lives hasn’t it. I had similar experiences in high school – not terribly popular, not a mean girl, but not picked on either. However, there were certainly people in high school I didn’t care for. Some of these people have friended me on facebook and there is a part of me who thinks, “Why? I didn’t like you back then?” I know time has passed, but it’s hard to let those old feelings dissipate.

  4. Dumb Mom says:

    Facebook does funny things to people and I’m still not quite sure why? Good for you for trying to mediate the whole situation. Hope it works out!

  5. apaprikao says:

    Yikes! I think you did the right thing by backing out of it. I hope that Kay learns to forgive Deb someday.

    Stopping by from Mama Kat’s! 🙂

    • pegbur7 says:

      Apparently not and now I won’t be either. Guess I should have thought a little harder before I posted this one… hindsight is 20/20 right?

  6. Alaina says:

    Ugh, yeah, this is one of the things I really didn’t like about high school All that drama…not cool. I don’t blame you for wanting to just distance yourself from it and not take a side, but I do like the pastor’s response. Sometimes that truly is the best way to handle situations like that…

  7. suzicate says:

    WOW…so glad high school is over. I watched a politcal discussion go down on FB the other night…it waas unbelievable. this one woman kept attacking the poster and then another guy commented and then she went off on him. Last I looked it ensued for 45 comments. I really agreed with the men, but I kept my comments to myself because she was basically attacking anyone who agreed with the poster, even though she had no facts to back herself and they did.

    • pegbur7 says:

      As we both know (especially NOW)… high school is never really OVER, is it? What can I say other than WOW!!!! You know I’m blaming this on you, right? LOL That’s what I get for last minute changing my mind on what I post! I hope we live and we learn….

      • suzicate says:

        What? Blame me? I thought it was the most drama I’ve heard unfold on FB, although I didn’t see it, you told me. Of course, I had NO IDEA of the repurcussion as I thought it would not be seen by some people, and you even gave aliases and I thought wrote it in an excellent manner! If I ever give you any more suggestions, ignore me…we NEVER know who is reading us!

      • pegbur7 says:

        This is true and good to keep in mind.

  8. Unfortunately high school never seems to die. It loves to poke it’s lovely little head into work life and activity life. I’m glad you removed yourself from the situation because hey you have no grief with either so why perpetuate the fued. thanks for sharing!

  9. I think some people hold on to their misery and hold it against others and try and blame them for their misery. There are even those who refuse to go to reunions because of all those bad memories.

    I like that you are a peacemaker and am pleased that you reconnect with others regardless of their reputation at the time.

    The best in skill in staying out of the fray.

    • pegbur7 says:

      That’s what I TRY to do but I don’t always succeed. I just want to be happy and I want others to be happy regardless of what they were perceived as in high school we are not the same people and I try to be friends regardless of reputation or social stature. Who am I to judge others? People obviously DO change (mostly anyway!). I want to be given the benfit of the doubt so I try to do the same.

      Thanks for stopping by!

  10. Ron says:

    You’re absolutely right, Peg…

    “Yeah, it is hard but to have those strong of feelings of negativity for that long can’t be good for you, ya know?”

    I think we ALL in some way have had negative experiences growing up (especially going through school), but to continue to hold on to them only keeps us attached.

    And good for you for distancing yourself from the situtation. Wise lady, you are!

    Hope you’re having a FABU Thursday, my dear friend!

    X

    • pegbur7 says:

      I am TRYING to distance myself but wriiting this post just stirred up the firestorm. All I can say is WOW. Some people really do have issues, sad to say. ;-(
      I hope you are having a great day!

  11. Hopefully we’re all more mature than we were 35 years ago. It’s interesting though what things have such a profound affect on us. There are some people who were mean adults during my childhood and I still don’t trust them, but I’d like to think I’d be willing to give the benefit of the doubt to someone who was unkind as a child. Either way, good for you for stepping outside of this issue.

  12. YEESH!

    That is way too much drama to be worth it. I think you’re doing right for staying out of it, Peg.

    My mom and aunt keep reminding me that drama doesn’t end when you leave your teens. Some people are just dramatic and need to surround themselves with things like this. I’m sure glad you’re smart enough to stay well out.

    • pegbur7 says:

      I was thinking that exact thing today. That some people seem to thrive on drama and chaos and aren’t happy until they suck all the energy out of everyone around them. I would much prefer to be happy and drama free.

  13. Jimmy says:

    Holding that much anger and hate in your heart is not good, hopefully she will let it go and realize that we are no longer in High School.

    I don’t blame you for distancing yourself–wise decision in my opinion.

  14. Heather says:

    I tried to friend my high school enemy, but she ended up to still be the same kind of person she was back then. MEAN!

    Some spots don’t change, but at least I tried.

    • pegbur7 says:

      See? That is the operative ….you TRIED. So now it’s HER bad. I’m proud of you for even trying. At least now you can live your life with the satisfaction of knowing you gave it your all.

  15. Pingback: I “DO” Regret « Square Peg in a Round Hole

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