The Man She Wished She’d Never Met

 

The Man She Wished She Never Met

This happened a long time ago
When she was nineteen years old
She was a happy go lucky girl -Free spirited
Yet she thought she fierce and bold

And all of that changed
One evening that fall
How your world can change in one evening
Your life hits a brick wall

It started out breezy
And innocent enough
Who knew by the end of it
Things would be so rough

He seemed like a nice man
When introduced by her sister
But the evening took a turn
Even her worst enemy would not wish her

Have you ever looked deeply
Into someone’s soul through their face
And wish that you couldn’t really see
That dramatic and scary change take place

A look that says it all
That they are no longer there
Like evil incarnate
Is inhabited in that lair

I don’t know how to explain
How his countenance changed
But I can tell you now
That his look was deranged

Wild and crazy
With evil in his eyes
His voice filled her with terror
A fear that paralyzed

Alone in the house
With this maniac and a child
There was no way to escape
From this man who’d gone wild

She could not scream
Without waking the child
Who was sleeping peacefully
While this man went wild

The fear of waking the child
Who in the next room was sleeping
Left her to endure this torture
Alone, whimpering and weeping

She wanted to run
Leave the house and flee
But leave a young child with a madman
What kind of aunt would that be

She tried to resist silently
But even with all of her might
She was just no match for him
It did no good to fight

They say we survive
What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger
But do we forget them
Those fears that make nights longer

Those fears that are based on
Events that are real
Events that control us
And the things that we feel

Things happen in our lives
That make us who we are
Good or bad, they are there
And sometimes leave our souls bare

I wish I could say
That story had a happy end
One with him in jail
No freedom left to spend

But that was not what was meant to be
He still freely walked the street
She still cowered in her life
Afraid of every man she’d meet

Eventually the physical wounds healed
She went on with her life
Met a wonderful man
Became a mother and wife

Because of that event
She was probably a better mother
She kept an eye on her daughters
For that reason if no other

I’m sure they didn’t know
Why she coddled them so much
Why she kept on the lookout
Why she questioned every  touch

She tried her best
To keep them from danger
Analyzing every move
Or look  from a stranger

But some things in life
You don’t easily forget
That is one of those things
The man I wish I’d never met

This post was brought to you by Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop and prompt 2.) Write a poem about a memory you sometimes wish would disappear. 

Thank you Kathy for this prompt.  This is something I’ve needed to write for a long time. As I sit here typing my hands are shaking almost uncontrollably and I’m crying AGAIN.  I guess I  needed it more than I realized so thank you for providing me with this “escape”.  I didn’t realize I still had all these emotions so pent up.

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About pegbur7

South of the Mason/Dixon Line
This entry was posted in Just Life, Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop, Poetry, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

40 Responses to The Man She Wished She’d Never Met

  1. terrepruitt says:

    Oh, Peg. I can only imagine the emotions that are pent up. How strong you are to have written this.

    Hugs to you, Dear.

    • pegbur7 says:

      Thanks Terri. It’s been a rough couple of days dredging all that back up, but I obviously needed to.

      • terrepruitt says:

        I would imagine that this type of horrific event you never “get over” you just learn to live with it. Anything you do to help you live with it probably is a good thing. I am in awe of you for having wrwritten this. I know writing this took a lot of courage.

        That you put it in a rhyming poem really is amazing. Everytime I read it I hold my breath.

      • pegbur7 says:

        Thank you Terre. It did take a lot out of me physically AND emotionally to do this but I really should have done it long ago.

  2. Diandra says:

    The memory probably won’t go away, but at some point it will become less important.

  3. suzicate says:

    Peggy, this breaks my heart. I am so sorry you had to go through this and endure the aftermath. Writing about things such as this is very cathartic and helps let them go. I’m sure writing this will help you in more ways than you realize. You are very brave and are a beautiful person. I love you…HUGS.

    • pegbur7 says:

      Thank you. That means more than you know. It’s obviously something I’ve needed to write I just haven’t been strong enough to tackle it.

  4. Natalie says:

    This post left me with chills. I could “feel” the dread when you realized that he wasn’t who you thought he was. I tensed up as I continued to read.

    Your words about something so ugly and hellish are beautifully written. I hope that writing it alleviated some of the burden of silence.

    You are so brave and strong…your writing will help another woman who has been through that situation – you are an inspiration. Sending hugs to you!

    • pegbur7 says:

      Thanks Natalie. I don’t feel like an inspiration. I would have done a lot more good had I gone to the police immediately. I still carry lots of guilt about that because I KNOW there were several other girls he did that to after me and if I had gone to the police he may not have gotten away with it. Bad thing was, he was a psychology professor at the local university and had a wife and 2 little boys. I shudder to think about that part. He had easy access to any number of girls he wanted.

  5. Wow. You wrote about this so well. What a traumatic even to have lived thru. I am so sorry.

  6. Ron says:

    Oh dear, Peg…I’m speechless.

    Yes, can you believe it. Me, speechless?

    I just want to say thank you for sharing this and for having the courage and strength to do so.

    Love ya, my dear friend.

    (((( Peg ))))

    X

    • pegbur7 says:

      Yes, YOU speechless? LOL

      I am trying to use this as a cathartic exercise to gert rid of the “demons” that still plague me….

      Thanks for the hugs. Always welcomed and appreciated. Love you too!

  7. Peg this is so powerful! It makes me so mad for you. You’re such a strong amazing woman.

    • pegbur7 says:

      Thank you but I don’t always beel so pwerful or amazing. I just keep puttingone foot in front of the other. But thanks for the support.

  8. Alena says:

    The wounds always physically heal. But those memories. You can never heal from that completely. I would hug you if I could!!!

  9. Joanna says:

    I am covered from head to toe in goosebumps. I can’t even fathom this but I am so glad you shared this with us.

    Thank You.

  10. Peg, this is heartbreaking. It’s an experience that we never forget. I know all too well that change of expression when all bets are off. I’m sorry you went through this and I’m so glad you have the courage and strength to write about it.

    • pegbur7 says:

      Linda, I am so sorry that you have been through the same thing. I had never understood before about someone”taking on” a different personality but I sure did after this.

  11. KLZ says:

    I’m so sorry. No one should have to go through anything like that. Ever. Some people just…I don’t have words for them.

  12. Angelia Sims says:

    Big tearful hugs to you. I love how you embrace the good and became the best mom and wife in the world. Full of love that you share willingly with even strangers. This monster did not win.
    I am deeply moved by your courage to write it. I thank God for you and your friendship. Blessings and love, Angelia

  13. panamamama says:

    Oh… I am so sorry. You’re so brave to write about it. I think that things like that make us so cautious as moms. My heart goes out to you.

    • pegbur7 says:

      Thank you so much for stopping by. And yes, it made be very cautious as a mom and as a person in general. There were several years I was afraid of ALL men, including my brothers and father even though I knew in my heart and intellectually that they were no threat. I just couldn’t help but be afraid. And even now, when I am “alone” with a man I don’t know well, I get VERY uncomfortable.

  14. Heligirl says:

    Dear Peg, I stopped by to meet you back after you visited me and was so deeply touched by your poem. You are a wonderfully brave and strong woman. I was a victim too when I was 16. It took me years and years to trust men again, and even now I don’t fully believe my husband really, truly wants me. Not really. We carry these scars our whole lives, but it’s how we choose not to give them the power that defines us. You’re an inspiration darling. Thank you for the wonderful chance to meet you.

    • pegbur7 says:

      Thank you so much for stopping by. I am not usually this “glum” so I hope you will look around at some of my past posts as I TRY to be a positive influence on people. This assignment just spoke to me and I had to do it.

  15. Heather says:

    You wrote it so beautifully even though I know how hard it was to write. I just recently wrote mine, but was not brave enough to post it.

    I just might change my mind. Thanks for posting this.

  16. eri says:

    ?!!!! what the hell?! who is this you’re writing about? i’ll kill him for hurting my poor mama 😦

  17. Sabu says:

    I love you mom . . .

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  19. Plazzy says:

    my anger is much more powerful than the shame. the words seem surreal, the memory like a horror film where i’m not the star of the show.i never realized how much i selectively chose to block out of my mind….it never dawned on me til now….the number, how many violated me? not an one time, i don’t think, at least. but enough for me to hang my head with tears pouring from my eyes and in my heart, knowing there HAS to be a way for me to let go, to let go of the past, the hurt, being violated (i don;t know how many times), starting as a young child with my brother. Ending with the last one, being the most emotionally devastating. He was a good friend of mine….so I thought. Just over 5 years ago. I was pregnant with his buddy’s child. My 2nd child.It doesn’t matter how many times he apologized or even SHOWED remorse with a tear in his eyes. PLEASE! For that one tear, I have shed many thousands more. I wonder if I will ever ever be able to trust again enough to LET someone love me and reciprocate that love in a healthy way. I am not sure I even know what “healthy” is or if it even exists. In my mind, everyone is a liar. I don’t meet new people, prospective companions,only have reconnected WITH ME through social media (facebook) and knew me some 20 years ago. Unrelenting at times and always full of compliments. More like LIP-SERVICE! Three I have communicated with now in these past few years, with the exchanges lasting a very short time..But long enough for them to feel comfortable enough to tell me in a round-about way, that I am
    “so much different than [I] used to be,” (obviously after 20 years who isn’t different) but the disappointment they feel is something anyone could see. And the finality of the friendship/relationship after picking up on more and even more lies they have told me and me wondering “Why?” And of knowing what I suspected all along, their webs of deceit are only confirmed and reinforced when I never hear from them again. I thank God, He keeps my secrets safe and somehow helps and guides me to keep them at bay for the consequences, He must already know, could be far more damaging than what I’d be capable of handling…. especially with 2 daughters, one in high school, the other starting kindergarten in the fall….. the last thing I would ever want is for them to be haunted or taunted by the details of these unfortunate experiences. One day, God wiling, they will know, but when the time is right. There is a moment towards the end, when everything in life comes full circle.
    thank you for your time….

    • pegbur7 says:

      I am so sorry for your unfortunate experiences. It is very hard to deal with. My husband is the first man I really trusted again after this happened. I hope and pray that you may someday find some semblance of peace again. I will never forget but hopefully I have grown to get past it.

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