Have you ever had one of those Murphy’s Law days? You know where it seems like every single frigging thing that happens just pisses you off more than the previous one? No? Well, then, I think that just pissed me off even more!
Seriously, I shouldn’t complain (but I will) because all in all it hasn’t been a BAD day. After all, I am still walking, talking, breathing and I am on the right side of the dirt. It’s just been an annoying day. This all actually started a couple of days ago. My poor little son, (furry one, I have no human sons although he thinks he’s human) Poe aka Poediddy came home from his day of wandering Saturday sick. Poor Poe. He looked Asian. I know that sounds weird. His little face was swollen, like from allergies, and that made his little face poofy and his eyes kind of narrowed and slanty thus my Asian (and albeit racial stereotyping) reference – sorry but that’s what I thought when I saw him. He was also coughing and wheezing and sneezing and dang it… I couldn’t find any feline coughing, aching, sneezing, wheezing how-the-hell-did-I-wake-up-on-the-kitchen-floor medicine so I gave him some colloidal silver in a dropper (ok, what he didn’t spit back on me) and all night he laid on me or the bed and wheezed, sneezed, coughed his little head off. Next morning he sounded better and acted like he felt better so I figured the silver must be working. Then later hubby let him outside (I thought) so I didn’t see him the rest of the day. Last night I called and called and called outside before I went to bed. It was storming and all the other cats were in but Poe. Called and called and went outside in the dark around midnight and called and called and he didn’t come so I finally went to bed worried something might have happened to him.
I wake up this morning and start my coffee and go to the bathroom and as I’m coming out of the bathroom Poe comes stumbling (literally) in from our bedroom (so I am assuming hubby must have let him in before he went to work). I pick him up and he’s still feeling warm (like he’s running a fever…don’t laugh… they do) and wheezing so I give him another dose of the colloidal silver which he promptly spews all over me AND my bed. He may have gotten two drops inside him. I decide I need to take him to the vet so I take my shower and when I get out he’s laying on the floor in my bedroom and he looks so forlorn and pitiful that I go to pick him up to lay him on our bed when apparently a sneezing wheezing coughing fit attacks him so he like throws his paws out like to catch himself only the only thing within reach is my right cheek. On my FACE…. NOT the other cheek… jeez, get with it people. So, I put him down while he’s being enveloped by this coughing fit and go in the bathroom and happen to look up and my face is bleeding to beat the band. So apparently now I’m gonna be Scarface! GREAT…..
It literally took 15 to 20 minutes to get the bleeding to stop. I can’t put on my makeup while I’m bleeding everywhere now can I? Finally 4 gallons of peroxide and 200 cotton balls later and I’ve stopped the blood loss just short of needing to apply a tourniquet although I have no CLUE how I’d tourniquet my head (Anyone reminded of “Man Without A Face” here cause I sure am- I could SO rock The Mummy look today!).
Anyhoo, blood flow momentarily stopped and now it’s time to get him IN THE CAGE…. And hubby is not home to help. I’m pretty sure he’s remembering the last time he was in that cage was when he lost his manhood and his wasn’t just the normal little snip snip procedure since he was a uniball (one of his testicles was undescended- shhh don’t tell him I told you that… it might embarrass him). Let’s just say he wanted NO PART of that cage. So, five pints of blood loss later and my hands looking like I was wrangling barbed wire, he’s finally in the cage. I’m kind of excited because the vet was building a new office only about 3 miles from our house as opposed to the 12 miles or so we were driving to his office.
This is not the most recent vet we’ve been using. In fact I hadn’t used this vet very much since our feline pro choice discussion we had several years back. We had rescued a kitty from the animal shelter a dozen or more years ago and had exclusively used him up until this point. I took this kitty in for spaying only to find out she was already pregnant. He told me it was okay he could still do the spaying to which I replied “you mean, once she has the kittens?” And he said ‘No, we’d just DO AWAY with the pregnancy.” WTH??? Aren’t you a VET? And supposed to be about saving animals? When I said something to that effect his reply was “Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s just a cat and I’m a Catholic and I don’t feel like it’s the same thing.” EXCUSE ME? First of all… what the EFF does one thing have to do with the other? How does you being a Catholic make you an expert on it being okay to kill babies? I don’t care whether they are human or not a baby is a baby and that was what I told him. He got mad at me and made some remark about there being enough unwanted cats in the world so I told him I’d call my hubby and if HE said it was ok we’d go ahead with the procedure. Hubby was as adamant as I was (just one more reason I love him so much) so I gathered my kitty and left. So, we switched vets.
No, not the one that tried to have me arrested on animal cruelty charges. This vet that we started seeing I think was the twin brother to Mathusala. Seriously, I think he graduated VET school in like 1930. And he constantly had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. The whole time he’d be examining your pet he’d have like a 2 inch ash hanging from the end of the cigarette that was dangling between his lips and smoke would spew from his mouth almost as profusely as the profanity. But we loved him. Despite the foul mouth (from the language AND the smoke) he was a good vet and knew what he was doing. He finally got too old to practice and sold his practice so we kept going. Thankfully his protégé doesn’t smoke and obviously fumigated the place and even scraped off/painted over the layers and layers of yellow nicotine that previously stained the walls.
So, I throw Poediddy in the car and drive the 3 miles to the new office of the Catholic cat killing vet. There is a huge sign on the road touting his new digs and I pull in and as I pull into the parking lot I look up and see a sign that says “Children’s Dentistry”. Say, HUH? I drive to the other side of the building… still no vet. Then I drive through the whole shopping center, thinking maybe I’m confused as to exactly where they were building and still no vet! I pull back out and look at the sign touting his practice and notice in smaller letters it says “COMING SOON”. Guess I don’t want to be on his time schedule since that sign has been there at least two years. Guess two years when compared to a lifetime IS a short period of time.
Looks like I’ll be driving that extra 10 miles after all. I head to Mathusala’s twins old stomping ground. I get across town and pull into their parking lot to find them closed. I couldn’t read the rest of the sign from the car, but I wasn’t in the mood to get out and it didn’t much matter anyway since I wanted him to be seen today so looks like I head to Catholic docs old office anyway. The parking lot is PACKED but I find one empty space right out front. GO ME!
I check in at the desk and while I am waiting to get called back I do see my old friend Catholic doc walk through the waiting room and I smiled and nodded and thought to myself “I hope he doesn’t recognize me and remember our last conversation!” He returned the smile and walked to the back. I didn’t have to worry because we saw one of his younger associate vets. Little Poe apparently has an upper respiratory infection combined with allergies. After violating him by taking his temperature they added insult to injury by taking him in the back and hooking him up to IV fluids since his temp was almost 104. Then he still got two shots on top of that.
I asked her if she thought he could have gotten sick from drinking from the fountain we have in front of the house in our little rock garden. I have been remiss in cleaning it this year and I’m sure there were mosquito larvae and all kinds of stuff growing in there and I caught Poe drinking out of it the other day. She said she didn’t think that was what gave him the upper respiratory infection but it might have contributed to his feeling all puny. She then asked me if he was hard to give pills to and after I quit laughing I told her I was wearing the remains of the liquid I tried to give him and I’m sure that force feeding him a pill was going to be beyond my capabilities. As added verification I pointed to my “Scarface” and bramble hands. I got his liquids and went out to pay my $150+ bill.
There were three ladies standing behind the counter in various stages of NOT working and one lady checking out patients. I slip into line behind the lady who is trying to pay. Seriously, I don’t know what is going on but I’m standing there like 5 minutes and NONE of the other 3 ladies even acknowledges me standing there. I know they HAD to see me as I’m trying to keep this HUGE black shepherd from eating Poe through the bars of his cage.
Another lady holding a puppy and her husband with a HUGE dog on a leash brushes (nay SHOVES) right past me and goes us to the counter where the ladies have been previously ignoring me and plops her purse down and says “I need to check out!” The lady behind the counter looks at her and then looks at me and I say “I believe I was next in line.” She says ‘OK.” And proceeds to check out the rude lady that shoved her way through!
I didn’t want to make a scene since there were at least a dozen people waiting in the waiting area but I had said I was next, she acknowledged me with the nod of her head and STILL checked out the other rude lady first. When Rude Woman left I went up to the counter and I said “I know that you know that I was next in line but I was patiently waiting to be called up when this other woman so rudely broke in front of me.” She smiled wanly and said “That’ll be $151.64.” Excuse me??? Is that the game we’re playing? Rudeness gets waited on over politeness? I really wanted to say something to the rude lady and tried to hurry to the parking lot but by the time I got there she was pulling out. Probably a good thing.
So, I’m already pissed about this lady’s rudeness and the other lady’s rewarding her rudeness and I get in my car and turn it on and this older gentleman pulls in the parking lot behind my car and just sits there staring at me like “I want your parking space, aren’t you going to move?” I turn around in my seat and look at him and he motions like he wants me to move and I’m sitting in my car looking at him like an idiot yelling through the closed window “I CAN’T BACK OUT BECAUSE YOU’RE BLOCKING ME YOU IDIOT!” There is another woman two cars over and she can’t get out either. We’re looking at each other like what is up with this moron? Finally he pulls out onto the street and drives back up on the WRONG side of the road to pull back in the parking lot. It’s a tight parking lot anyway and of course I figured out the reason the spot out front was empty is because there is a HUGE pole right behind it at the edge which makes it very difficult to get out.
I get out of there and I am telling myself out loud to CALM DOWN. I hadn’t eaten any breakfast so I decided to pull through Chick Filet and get a couple of strips and a sweet tea. This is a drive through store only and it has TWO lines, one on each side of the building so it’s usually REALLY quick and the left side line only has 3 cars and the right side has about 8 cars so I pull through the left hand side. I place my order and pull up and the lane is on an incline. My car has a manual transmission. I am very good driving a manual transmission but once you stop on a hill I don’t care HOW good of a driver you are… the car is going to roll backward a little bit. The guy behind me pulls up rightonmybumper. SERIOUSLY?
I’m thinking to myself.. with the day I have already had so far, man, oh man… you do NOT wanna be messing with me! Can you GET any closer to my car? So I’m thinking… ok, ok… no problem, I’ll just let the car in front of me get a little farther than normal ahead of me and I’ll just kinda gun it to pull up once I need to pay. I’m thinking about this when I realize the line has not moved AT ALL. The other line is moving like gangbusters. WE are sitting still. Then I notice the cashier has come out of the restaurant and is going down the cars gathering the money. The old car that was sitting at the front of the line when I got there is STILL there! By the time she gets to MY window I say “Is that car at the front broken down or something?” She glances up and then looks at me and says “No” and walks off with my money. No explanation, just no. She brings back my change and my tea…. No food…. No straw… no way to get out. Still sitting in the line.
There are about a dozen outside tables that I am now noticing are filled with what looks to be middle school kids. The car at the front of the line moves and the other cars start moving up and THIS is when all gazillion of the middle schoolers decide to walk between my car and the car in front of me. Are you kidding me? So now I wait while all 50 or 60 of these kids walk back and forth between their seats and the bathroom because even though the bathroom door is locked because there is obviously someone IN the bathroom and there is a guy standing and waiting outside the bathroom door ALL of them have to go up one by one and check for themselves to see that the bathroom door is indeed locked. Now I can feel my temples start to throb…. Throb….throb….All obviously oblivious to this woman in the little green car with the man pulled up insanelyclosetoherbumper who is ready to blow her top like a volcano. It seems like it took them F O R E V E R to all disperse and I did finally get to advance without rolling back into idiot man’s bumper. Although it would have served him right.
Then I still had to go to the bank which was SUPER crowded and had like 8 people waiting at the ATM so I went inside and realized that they had an ATM on the inside too! It was kind of funny and probably also kind of bad but I found it perversely funny to casually say as I walked through the ATM line going back to my car “Did you guys realize there’s an ATM machine inside too?” And watch them all scramble for the door. TOO FUNNY. OK… I feel all better now.