You might be a redneck IF you have both your dog AND your wallet on a chain.
You might be a redneck IF your front porch collapses and kills more than ten dogs.
You might be a redneck IF you get married (and have your reception) at Waffle House. (This actually happened in Georgia last year. I wonder what they had for their reception dinner? An assortment of hash browns? I can hear it now….You can get yours scattered or covered or smothered or chunked or diced…. And I wonder where they were registered? The Dollar Tree?)
You might be a redneck IF you use your boat as a moving truck. Seriously, #1’s FIL did that when he helped them move to Tennessee. I SWORE I was gonna send that one to Jeff Foxworthy. I swear to God he did it. We pulled up to her house and there was his truck pulling his boat with a sofa and chairs and ottomans tossed into the back of the boat! Kind of ingenious, considering he was leaving from there to go to Michigan (I think or Minnesota?) for vacation and needed his boat and couldn’t pull both a Uhaul trailer AND his boat. So, smart but STILL redneck. Gotta love him.
Or, you MIGHT be a redneck IF you spend 6 hours outside in the sun painting window trim and FORGET to put sunscreen on beforehand. Oh….no…. that means I’d just HAVE a red neck! Seriously, it is VERY red.
So, here was my brilliance for today. Hubby has been getting bids to have our house painted and I have NOT been happy with the bids. Let’s just say I am cheap. Our house is 3 sided brick. It is also ONE story. The only painting that has to be done is the windows, ONE side (the back) and the trim. That’s IT. And the one estimate we have gotten so far is $2,600. AND they wanted one third UP FRONT before they touched a paint brush. I’m sorry but I just think that is a little excessive. We also had a couple who have come by and not gotten back with us on the bids yet. So, how complicated can it be to do a bid for 1 side of a house that is 1 story and the trim? I know it’s been a few years but our old house was 2 story, split foyer and the entire two stories was above ground and it was ALL siding and they supplied the paint and it was under $1000 so when this guy told me $2600 I was NOT a happy camper.
Last week we had a couple of storm doors put in and we had all the blinds open and I noticed how dirty the windows were this morning so when hubby asked me what I had planned for today while he was at work I said “Oh, I’m gonna clean the windows for starters.” Well, I cleaned the front and back (glass) door by the breakfast nook and the big window beside the door and then started thinking…. If I clean these all today and we turn around and get the house painted I’m gonna have to turn around and do them all again. So, I still have almost a whole gallon of the exterior paint we bought a few months ago to paint the garage windows and it was a beautiful day so I thought “Heck! I’m gonna just paint the window trims myself.”
I got my sanding paper and scraper and the little brushes and stuff and went around and started scraping and taping the windows. I had forgotten that the window above the front door is arched and the center window in the dining room is also arched. Do you know how HARD it is to put that blue tape around an ARCH? It does NOT want to cooperate! Someone needs to invent something that will work with those arched windows. I guess they probably have something but non handy me hasn’t a clue so I struggled for a while with the arched windows but finally rigged it enough that I didn’t get paint ALL over the windows.
The other thing was we just put pine straw out around all the bushes and stuff (which I had to stand on to do the windows) so I was scared to death spiders or a snake (after last week) or something was gonna come crawling out of that pine straw and bite me. It was bad enough that I was sweating like a pig because I think I picked the hottest freaking day of the year so far to paint AND I wasn’t exactly very smart in how I “planned” my strategy since I did it like I do everything else. I winged it or flew by the seat of my pants or however you want to put it. IF I had thought this thing through and been smart (ok, no comments from the peanut gallery) I would have started on the west side of the house or the back of the house and worked my way counter clockwise so I didn’t have the sun beating down on me but of course I didn’t think of that until I was about 2/3 of the way through and I was already burnt toast and all bitten up by sweat bees. I hate those little buggers!
So, I got all the windows in the front and sides done and was going to do the back but every time I went towards the back of the house I kept smelling this terribly funky smell like something was dead. NO, it wasn’t me… I was thinking that too so shut up! 🙂 I looked all around and couldn’t see anything on the patio. I checked under the table and chairs out there and around the grill and under and behind the planters and now I’m starting to freak out cause I’m thinking something must have somehow crawled into the wall or something and died and how in the heck were we gonna get it out? Then I realized one of the lawn chairs was folded and laying on the ground and I didn’t SEE anything under it. So, I took my foot and flipped it over and yep… there it was. Mr. Chipmunk that the kitties were chasing a few days ago and I thought it had gotten away. I guess it must have run under the chair thinking it was safe and either they got him through the chair or he was already mortally wounded and was able to make it under there and die in relative peace. I guess on the upside for him, he didn’t get eaten too but not so much the upside for me.
If I thought it smelled bad BEFORE I moved the chair, it was absolutely horrific AFTER I moved it, so, I figured I’ll do the back tomorrow or in a few days… AFTER I get hubby to remove Mr. Chipmunk from his not quite final resting ground. WHAT??? Did you think I was gonna move him? Heck to the no! I might be a red neck(ed) woman but I don’t do dead animals. Leastways not ones that have obviously been resting there for several days. So when hubby comes home he can move him or in the morning before he goes to work and I will happily resume my painting frenzy. In the meantime, I’m gonna enjoy my redneckedness (yes, that is totally a word). Enjoy this redneck woman for a moment if you will.