The topic I chose for this weeks writing assignment was #5) Describe a moment when you put your foot in your mouth.
It seems to me that many times alcohol in the body and foot in the mouth disease go hand in hand. I have had numerous (too many to count) instances of foot in mouth disease but one in particular stands out because I’ve had the same thing happen to me SINCE that incident. Yeah, Karma…. She CAN be a bitch, can’t she?
Years and years and years ago, when I lived in North Carolina and was still a skinny little PYT I was at a pool party at the apartment complex where I lived. Many of the people I worked with were also at this party, most of them men I worked with who brought their wives. I knew one of the men’s wives was pregnant (yeah, you can see where this is going… can’t you?) but hadn’t seen her for quite a while. She has on one of those smocked topped sun dresses that is kind of fitted at the top and then poufy and free flowing at the bottom.
I sidle up to her, drink in hand (and many more in the belly) and sweetly ask “So…. When’s your baby due?”
Wife: Six weeks ago.
Me: (the sound of her words flying right over my head) You’ve got six more weeks? You don’t look THAT pregnant! (laughing at my own joke)
Wife: (glaring at me) NO… I said six weeks AGO…
Me: (still not getting the picture because I got too many drinks) HUH?
Wife: (daggers flying from her eyes) I had him SIX WEEKS AGO…. Thank you very much!!!
Oops…… I don’t think I was even coherent enough to apologize but coherent enough to realize I had just made a MAJOR faux pas. I avoided her the rest of the night.
That is why YEARS later, after I had given birth MANY months before and had already had my tubes tied (there’s that bitch Karma, rearing her ugly little head) when I had someone ask me when I was due, I tried to inject a little humor into the situation by a simple answer “The 12th….” Followed by a LONG pause…. Followed by “of never.”