You’d think I’d learn. I just said I learned never to say never didn’t I? I thought I heard me say that! Don’t I listen? Well, I didn’t really SAY it again. I was just making fun (in jest) of someone else because of their touch screen phone issues and it came back to bite me in the butt so it’s sort of the same thing.
I have two friends who recently got touch screen phones, one has an IPhone and one has a Droid (Motorola) and both are having issues galore. I was making fun of the friend with the Droid (Verizon’s answer to the IPhone) because they kept butt dialing me by mistake. I kept accusing them of just being stupid (in the best possible way) and not knowing how to use their phone.
This is how it would go. My friend would call me and we’d chat for a few minutes and end our conversation. A few minutes later my phone would ring and I’d see it was this same friend. I’d usually answer the phone with “Did you forget to tell me something?” Only to be answered by silence, or music, or the sound of them talking in the background to someone else or the sound of their vehicle revving down the highway and I’d be on my end of the phone going “Hello! Hello! Hello? Hello???” I’d hang up and a few minutes later….. ring, ring, ring…. Same friend…. Same non-conversation. I’d text them… “please tell your butt to quit calling me!” or “Does your butt miss me cause it keeps calling!”
Or I’d get a text from them that said something to the tune of “slkjdurn slkdxife’b kdjs ldjejn” or just “Bxgsni”….. HUH? You speaking ENGLISH? I’m sorry, I don’t speak gibberish! I guess I must have been absent the day they taught that when I was in school! So I’d try to text them back or call them and no answer so I would assume it was a mistake and they were too embarrassed to tell me. Or they were speaking a secret language that I wasn’t privy to or they were just pulling my leg? Or trying to gaslight me?
Then my other friend got an IPhone. She’s like my age (or close enough) and we both text a lot (or used to) because it’s easier sometimes if you just want to tell someone one thing rather than get into a whole conversation and if you don’t know if it’s convenient for the other person to talk it’s just easier to text. Well, all that kind of changed. I’ll tell you her story in a minute, but, let’s just say I’m getting a lot of laughs off some of her texts.
But…not too long ago I upgraded my phone. I have Verizon and my charging port on my phone broke for like the umpteenth time and I got tired of replacing that phone so I decided to just upgrade. I got the Droid (not the Motorola one because I didn’t want to spend $200 for a phone… yeah, I’m cheap… I prefer the term thrifty) with the touch screen. I know how bad (read clumsy) I am with phones so one of the first things I did was go to Best Buy and get a screen protector put on it. What I DIDN’T know was that the screen protector would make it a little less sensitive to touch and therefore a little less responsive.
SO… here I am trying to get used to the touch screen but one that is NOT exactly responding the way I want it to or think it should. Example: I called my auto mechanic, had a conversation with him, hung up and tried to make a phone call to someone else…. I don’t even remember who, BUT…. I ended up calling my mechanic again! I hit end call….. nothing… phone is still ringing…. Hit end call…… phone still ringing…. HIT END CALL…. Stops before he answers…. PHEW…. Ok… do I call him back to apologize for accidently calling him? Do I just not worry about it and go about my business? I opt to ignore the fact that I had rudely called him by mistake and go about my day.
I again try to call the other person I had been attempting to call, their name comes up, I hit call and my phone calls…. My mechanic! DANG! I hit end call…. Keeps ringing…. DANG DANG….. hit end call…. Keeps ringing….. DANG DANG DANG….. HIT END CALL!!! Stops ringing… again before he answers….. ok… so NOW do I call and apologize for calling TWICE by mistake?? Nope..bunghole that I am (embarrassed bunghole I should say) I again opt to IGNORE the fact that I have TWICE now called my mechanic by mistake. Again… I find who I want to call …. Highlight their name and hit call…. Phone starts ringing… look down and WTF???? I am calling my mechanic AGAIN…. DAMN, DOUBLE DAMN and TRIPLE DAMN!!!! Istart punching end call as hard as I can, it stops ringing and before I touch anything calls him back AGAIN…. So I guess there is like a split second delay or something…
My mechanic does call me about an hour later wanting to know if something was wrong since he had like 3 or 4 missed calls from me. He thought I had broken down or something!
I give up trying to call the person I want to call. I decide to text instead. Can you say TEETOTAL Disaster? I now completely understand why I keep getting gibberish texts because what I was hitting or THOUGHT I was hitting was not in ANY way what was showing up on my screen. I have figured out (somewhat) that I guess because of the screen protector I have to hit above and to the left of what I actually want to type. And it took me a week to figure out how to get my voicemails and I can’t TELL you the number of times I’ve put my voicemail passcode in just to have it tell me that I’ve entered the wrong pass code. I have had no less than a dozen messages telling me that someone has tried to access my voicemail from MY phone with the wrong password. Yeah, ME…. I’M the one trying to access my voicemail from MY phone, ya big dummy! Well… maybe I’m the big dummy? But it IS getting better… somewhat. I’m still having a hard time trying to take pictures but… I’m sure that will get better too.
Yesterday when I was at the dentist #2 called me and it was while the dentist was out of the room… waiting for the novacaine to take effect. He walked back in the room so I told her I had to go, hit end call (or so I thought) and put the phone back in my bra…. Yeah, I said, bra….You got a problem with that?? Anyway… I had the phone on silent since I was at the dentist so we go ahead and finish my appointment. I was there probably another hour. I pay, leave and get to my car and check my phone. I have TWO new voicemails from my mom…. First one says “I was outside when you called and I came running in to answer the phone, I picked it up just as you hung up. Sorry I missed your call. Is everything ok?” Second one AGAIN from my mom “OK… so you’ve called me three times and when I answer there is nobody there. I’ve tried to call you back and you don’t answer. I tried to call your house and there is no answer, Is everything OK? PLEASE call me back and let me know you are ok?” So… I wasn’t BUTT dialing her … I was BOOB dialing her…. I guess that makes ME a big boob. I guess if I can’t HAVE big boobs I may as well BE a big boob!
Now, to the story of my friend and her mis-texting…. Or in her case, mis-SEXting, although not on purpose. As most of you know, she and I took a road trip to Dallas at the end of February. One of our male associates is a very sweet young guy. He MIGHT be 30 or 35. My friend is 46 or 47. He had texted her something and she texted him back “Let’s get this thing rocking!” He didn’t answer her back. She thought it was a little odd, but forgot about it…. Until the next MORNING…. She was looking at her texts and realized she had texted him “Let’s get this THONG rocking!” I almost fell out of my chair when she told me that! Can you imagine what must have gone through HIS head when he received that text. I’m sure he didn’t respond to her because he wasn’t quite sure WHAT he was supposed to say. I mean, was this older woman hitting on him? Or was she simply an idiot at texting? And how do you BROACH that subject? Do you bring it up or wait and see if she hits on you again? I guess he got his answer… when she realized WHAT she had texted (or sexted) all she texted back was “OH MY GOD!!! PLEASE disregard my last text last night!” Now how funny is that?
So, a couple of nights later, she and I decide to go to a Karaoke bar. Yeah, we karaoked… not well, but we did it. We had a blast (and maybe a few drinks). Both our husbands were in Georgia. She and her husband had been texting back and forth most of the night. He had sent her something smart ass (because he IS a smart ass) and she texted back “Really honey!” A few minutes later she got a text back from her hubby that said “QUIT DRINKING, PUT YOUR KNEES TOGETHER AND GO HOME!!!” WTF???? Why would he say THAT? We quickly go back through her texts…. Her last text to her hubby said “Really HORNEY!!!”
OOPS!!! ROFLMAO His text makes more sense now….