My mom and dad were very young when they got married. I believe my mom was 15 (almost 16) and my dad was 18.
They had their first child within a year and by the time my mom was 20 she had 4 kids under 3 years old, She had grown up without a mom and therefore had no real mother figure to teach her how to raise her children so she was pretty much flying by the seat of her pants. They were pretty much “old school” and very traditional in that my mom did the cooking and the cleaning and child rearing. Until she went to work when I was very young she had very little money of her “own”.
Whenever she needed money for anything she had to ask my dad. And I don’t think my dad had a very good grasp on what it took to run a household. I remember he used to question her on everything. No matter how big or how small or how much, he never seemed to understand why it took as much as it did.
She also waited on my dad hand and foot. She still does. If he wants to lie in bed in read all day, she will bring him all his meals in bed if that is what he wants. I know when we have family reunions of gathering where there is buffet type meal she will still fix his plate for him and bring it to him before she will fix her own.
Don’t get me wrong. I do not fault either of them in any way. I know they did the best they could with what they had and just tried to make sure we were clothed, fed, and had a roof over our head. I am sure it was might overwhelming to have that many kids that quickly with as little resources that they had. I don’t know how they did it.
But, because of the way we grew up I swore I’d never have to “beg” my husband for money and that when I married we would do things together. It’s not that I don’t love my husband. I love him deeply, but, I feel like there are things he can do for himself and there are things we can do together. I’m not saying if he was hurt or sick or something I wouldn’t do things for him. Of course I would. I’m just saying I will NOT spoil him rotten like my mom has my dad. I know several times she has asked me in the past when we’ve been in line getting food at a reunion or something “Aren’t you going to get your husband’s food for him?” and I’ll say “Nope… he’s got two hands and two feet and he can get it himself. He knows more what he wants than I do!”
When we first got married and didn’t have kids yet, I would get up and make his breakfast, etc., but it seemed once we started having children I was just too busy and to darned tired to do all that and I expected him to pull his weight too. So when I started working again after they were in school I expected him to help with the cooking and cleaning etc. We have now morphed into, he does MOST of the cooking and I cook if I need to and we both clean and do laundry. If we see something needs to be done, we do it. Our money is shared equally. Although I used to joke and tell him that what was his was mine and what was mine, was mine… but truly we have more of an equal partnership.
I respect him and his decisions and I think he feels the same way about me. He is the love of my life and I don’t know what I would do without him.
I love you honey!