I Did, I Do, I Will…

This post if part of Mama Kat's writers workshop

 

My mom and dad were very young when they got married. I believe my mom was 15 (almost 16) and my dad was 18. 

My paternal granparents and mom and dad on their wedding day.

 

They had their first child within a year and by the time my mom was 20 she had 4 kids under 3 years old, She had grown up without a mom and therefore had no real mother figure to teach her how to raise her children so she was pretty much flying by the seat of her pants. They were pretty much “old school” and very traditional in that my mom did the cooking and the cleaning and child rearing. Until she went to work when I was very young she had very little money of her “own”. 

Maternal grandfather, mom, dad and myself (on my dad's lap) with all my brothers and sisters (except SuziCate cause she wasn't born yet)

 

Whenever she needed money for anything she had to ask my dad. And I don’t think my dad had a very good grasp on what it took to run a household. I remember he used to question her on everything. No matter how big or how small or how much, he never seemed to understand why it took as much as it did. 

She also waited on my dad hand and foot. She still does. If he wants to lie in bed in read all day, she will bring him all his meals in bed if that is what he wants. I know when we have family reunions of gathering where there is buffet type meal she will still fix his plate for him and bring it to him before she will fix her own. 

Don’t get me wrong. I do not fault either of them in any way. I know they did the best they could with what they had and just tried to make sure we were clothed, fed, and had a roof over our head. I am sure it was might overwhelming to have that many kids that quickly with as little resources that they had. I don’t know how they did it. 

But, because of the way we grew up I swore I’d never have to “beg” my husband for money and that when I married we would do things together. It’s not that I don’t love my husband. I love him deeply, but, I feel like there are things he can do for himself and there are things we can do together. I’m not saying if he was hurt or sick or something I wouldn’t do things for him. Of course I would. I’m just saying I will NOT spoil him rotten like my mom has my dad. I know several times she has asked me in the past when we’ve been in line getting food at a reunion or something “Aren’t you going to get your husband’s food for him?” and I’ll say “Nope… he’s got two hands and two feet and he can get it himself. He knows more what he wants than I do!” 

Hubby & I at our wedding

 

When we first got married and didn’t have kids yet, I would get up and make his breakfast, etc., but it seemed once we started having children I was just too busy and to darned tired to do all that and I expected him to pull his weight too. So when I started working again after they were in school I expected him to help with the cooking and cleaning etc. We have now morphed into, he does MOST of the cooking and I cook if I need to and we both clean and do laundry. If we see something needs to be done, we do it. Our money is shared equally. Although I used to joke and tell him that what was his was mine and what was mine, was mine… but truly we have more of an equal partnership. 

I respect him and his decisions and I think he feels the same way about me. He is the love of my life and I don’t know what I would do without him. 

Our happy little family all grown up

 

I love you honey!

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About pegbur7

South of the Mason/Dixon Line
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33 Responses to I Did, I Do, I Will…

  1. Hadassah says:

    Seriously, you just described my dad and step-mom. I rememeber her asking for money from dad, and his follow-up interrogation.

    I’ve said it before, you have a such a nice family.

  2. terrepruitt says:

    Marriage is what you make it and what you want.

    I had a friend once who said she didn’t ever want to get married and when I asked her why she said, “Becuase I don’t wanna have to do ‘this’ and ‘that’.” And I said, “Huh? Who said you HAD to do ‘this’ and ‘that’ when you get married?” You should have seen her face. It was like I was telling her the world was not round. She hadn’t thought that her marriage could be whatever she and her mate wanted it to be. It didn’t have to be like her parents.

    I serve my husband when we are out because he is a social butterfly and if I don’t hand him food he will just flit about visiting and not eat. He CAN do it, but he will just forget about it until I am stuck with a grumpy person that has not eaten. Not worth it to me.

    I think that as long as the two people in the relationship are happy then they can do whatever they want. It is THEIR relationship.

    I am always amazed when I hear stories about people having gotten married so young. Not a good idea now-a-days. Glad it worked out for your parents.

    • pegbur7 says:

      It doesn’t always work but has for my parents. They will be celebrating their 60th anniversary this year! AMAZING…. They truly are great people. And Hubby and I eill celebrate 29 this year!

      • terrepruitt says:

        Sixty! Wow. That is so awesome. I can’t imagine. Twenty nine, you are almost half way there.

        This Sunday is my 12th wedding anniversary. Yay!

      • pegbur7 says:

        My favorite thing to tell Hubby is I’ve been married to him over half my life and he says “You make that sound like a death sentence!” well… isnt’ that what til death do us part IS?

  3. suzicate says:

    As soon, as I saw the topic list, I KNEW what you were going to write about!!! Good post. I have always loved that pic with you guys dressed alike. Yes,I alsays say the same thing that hubby has two hands, two feet, and a mind of his own!

  4. Wow, your parents were so young!! I guess falling into that pattern at 16 sets you up for life. I wish I had someone around to wait on a little. Sometimes…

  5. Angelia Sims says:

    Ahh, the good ol’ days! It was a way of life for the man to be waited on. I’m not sure when that changed in this day in age, but boy did it! I am glad. I agree completely, he’s got two hands and feet. Love the pictures. So cute of you sitting on Daddy’s lap. Awwh! The blue dresses are adorable.

    • pegbur7 says:

      Our next door neighbor used to make us all those dresses that looked alike. She was amazing and I don’t think she hardly ever charged much at all….I loved her husband to pieces and used to tell him wild outlandish tales all the time… like my daddy fighting bears, etc. Those were the days!

  6. dwight burke says:

    Great job again! I am lucky that I found you. I am lost without you. You are and always will be the LOVE of my life. Could you get me a glass of tea????

  7. Wonderful article. How young your parents were! Imagine trying to raise 4 kids by the time you are 20. Hats off to them both! Still, times were a little different then. My parents had 4 kids, dad was a cop and mom never worked outside the home while we were growing up. We always owned our own home, had plenty of food and nice clothes. Today, it’s much more difficult I think to live that way.

    • pegbur7 says:

      They had 4 by the time she was 20… ended up with 6 total. I don’t know how they did it. Like I said…they will be clebrating 60 years together this year.

  8. Spot says:

    Wow girl! I thought we got married young, but 15 for sure takes the cake!! Is someone going to smack me with the feminism ruler if I say that I make my hubby’s plate at family gatherings?? It’s not because he makes me or expects it, it’s just because I like to take care of him and I like people to know that I like to take care of him. Don’t worry, he gets told he’s spoiled by many people!! And at dinner at night, I make everyone’s plates and bring them to the table. But I control the finances. Lol.

    ♥Spot

    • pegbur7 says:

      I USED to take better care of him a LONG time ago… then I got old and tired and said heck with it! Actually… we had kids and things definately changed…. But whatever works for you guys is what’s best, right? Like someone else said… every one’s situation is different and whatever makes yours work is how it should be. If you are happy that is all that matters.

  9. Ron says:

    First of all, I love these photos. Especially the one of you and your good-looking family!

    WOW…15? It amazes me when I realize how young people were when they got married years ago. Now a days 25 is young.

    What a wonderful relationship you and your hubby have! If I were to ever be in a relationship, that’s exactly how I would want it to be…

    ” we have more of an equal partnership”

    Right on!

    Thanks for a great share, Peg!

    Enjoy your day!

  10. LisaF says:

    My MIL packs DIL’s suitcase whenever they go on trips. Mine wouldn’t let me within 10 feet of his (our styles are oh so different!). Times certainly have changed. Love the vintage photos.

    • pegbur7 says:

      Thanks. Yeah, I stopped doing that YEARS ago. First, right after we had our #1, we went on a trip and I brought like 2 suitcases of stuff for HER, and NOTHING for us… completely forgot our stuff. Hubby had to go to the hotel laundry to wash our clothes so we’d have something to wear the next day! Then the next time I forgot his razor and belt… after that… he was on his own! LOL

      • terrepruitt says:

        I have NEVER packed a bag for my hubby. How the heck am I supposed to know what he wants to wear and what he needs. That is his business. See, when I make his plate it is because he is talking (if we are out at a party) so when I hand it to him he is in the middle of a conversation and doesn’t argue about all the veggies I put on it. Ha. I don’t care what he wears, I care what he eats!

        Its so interesting/funny to hear how differently we all do it to make it work.

      • pegbur7 says:

        And that’s what makes it work. We ARE all different and you have to be adaptable!

  11. It does sound like your parents had a hard time of it. But the fact that they brought you up right and with a roof over your head says something too, as you pointed out.
    I’m glad that you’re able to have a partnership with your husband – I think that’s one of the most important aspects of a committed relationship – being able to pull your own weight and expect the other to do so too, so that you’re friends and equals as well as husband and wife.

  12. joz1234 says:

    What a great story to share! Isn’t it wonderful how far we women have come? We are able to take care of our families and yet have enough control over our lives that we can seek careers and have access to our money as well. Seems like a natural progression to me. My grandmother was just like your mom. No money of her own, at the mercy of what my grandfather wanted. Always interrogating her about what she needed and why. Unfortunately for her, my grandfather was not a great man who always took care of my grandmother. he often put his own vices in front of her needs in their marriage. I think if you were lucky enough to find a man that could put his wife adn children as priority in his life, then living like that was probably not as hard of a thing back then. I figure there were many out there who were not that lucky.

    • pegbur7 says:

      My dad is a good man, a much better man NOW than in his younger days. He’s mellowed a lot. He was a hard drinking, fighting, gambling, cussing, motorcycle riding hellian when he was younger. I’m not sure I understand how my mom put up with it but I’m glad she did. They are terribly devoted to each other now! I don’t think she has ever so much as even kissed another man in her life! Never had a drink, never smoked a cigarette! TOTALLY devoted to her man!

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