The Boob Has It

I have a very bad habit of sticking things in kind of weird places.  Especially if I have no pockets.  For example, week before last, I was at the dentist.  He had stepped out of the room to do something while he waited for the novacaine to take affect and it was just myself and his assistant in the room.  Now, as usual, and almost all the time, I keep my phone on vibrate so as not to disturb anyone else.  I got a text message.  How did I know, you ask?  Because I felt it vibrate.  So I reach under the bib that was laying on my chest (as I was prone in the chair) into my blouse and pulled out my phone, checked my text message and put my phone back.  The technician looked at me and asked “Did you just put your phone in your bra?”  Why, yes, I did!

You may think that is strange but I SWEAR I have a perfectly logical explanation! Actually several.  You see, as I have gotten older, my hearing is not as keen as it once was.  Back in the days when I was keeping my phone in the perfectly acceptable and logical area of my pants pocket, and on a low tone or sometimes even medium, heaven forbid, I would be out    at the grocery store, mall, wherever and my daughter or husband or whoever would turn to me and say “Is that your phone ringing?”  I would not hear it.  It could be right in my pocket and I would not hear it!  I would not even hear it sometimes if it was in my purse which was on my shoulder!  But OTHER people would hear it.  So, then I got SMART.  I started putting it on vibrate and putting it in my pocket so I’d feel it even if I didn’t hear it.  Unfortunately I either have too many rolls of fat or not enough because I wouldn’t feel  the vibration. 

Invariably I would eventually pull my phone out to check to see what time it was (I can’t wear a watch so I use my phone as my mobile clock too- :-O) and see that I either had missed calls or voicemails because of missed calls.  Okay, so now I’m running out of options… If I have the tone on I don’t HEAR it and if I have it on vibrate in my pocket I don’t FEEL it!  So, I started sticking it in my bra because for some reason, that I do feel.  I guess there’s not enough there that it muffles the vibration and besides it kinda acts like a cup filler… hey, maybe I should carry two phones…. One for each side!

But this does remind me of a story from several years back.  I worked for a chiropractor in Buckhead.  We had a parking garage to park in and had a door that had a combination lock to get inside the building.  I had stopped that morning on the way to work and bought some stuff at the office supply store.  I carried in my purse and lunch and put them in my office and took my car key back out to get the office supplies out of my car.

Five o’clock I start getting my stuff together to leave for the night and I can’t find my car key.  Now mind you, it is only 1 key.  I drive a VW Jetta.  It has one of those little remote looking keys and mine had the little loop where you can attach other keys to it but it has been broken off so the only way to attach it to anything else is if you tape it to something. Not so handy in day to day use so I just have the single key. Therefore I ALWAYS put it in the SAME outside pocket in my purse ALL the time so that I don’t lose it.  I know where it is because it is ALWAYS there.  No ifs, ands, or buts…. It is ALWAYS there, except, of course, THIS day. 

I start freaking out. I’m wondering … did I leave it in the car all day?  No, I remember I had to have it to open the trunk. I retrace my steps. No key.  I check my desk, thinking maybe I set it down on my desk while I was unloading stuff. Nope. Not on my desk.  I check all the drawers.  No key…. I literally dumped my entire contents of my purse onto the floor by my desk. . . NO KEY!  Now I am freaking out for sure.  I live an hour away, it’s rush hour and getting worse by the minute.  I have somewhere  I HAVE to be. 

I go back out to the parking lot and search under the car and the whole parking lot. Still no key. I am to the point that I am going to do the unthinkable… ask my husband for help (I’d have to have him bring me my spare key and he would NOT be happy).  As I reach for the door handle to go back inside a little familiar blip goes off in my head and THEN I remember…. My bra!  Could it be that I had possibly left it in my bra cup ALL DAY?  Considering I had on a dress and no pockets, it dawned on me that yes, maybe, just maybe I DID.  I feel inside my right cup, then the left.  It’s NOT there!  So I go in the bathroom and fairly strip and then I find it…. It had found itself a nice, cozy little home nestled underneath my left boob ALL day.  Now I ask….WHO was the boob?  Don’t answer that!

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About pegbur7

South of the Mason/Dixon Line
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8 Responses to The Boob Has It

  1. GregoryJ says:

    I heard the story of a woman who used to carry tissues in her bra. She was at an emotional meeting and had given one tissue to the person in the next seat.
    When she needed one herself, she reached in to her bra for it and couldn’t locate it. She was searching her bra thoroughly when she noticed everyone looking at her.
    She felt an explanation was needed, “I know I had two in here when I left home!”

  2. pegbur7 says:

    Love it! Are you sure that wasn’t my mom? She used to do that too! Maybe that was where I learned it? Funny the things we pick up from our parents, huh? Thanks for stopping by!

  3. GregoryJ says:

    Thanks for the comment on my blog. Glad I posted that piece. I’ll tell my sister that she helped others when she sent it to me.
    I have to remember to do what he advises.

  4. Jane says:

    This story is too funny! Maybe my daughter is related to you – she keeps her phone (from time to time) in the very same place!

  5. This is hilarious! I love it! I too stick things in my bra, even candy wrappers. If I have a pocket fine, but if I don’t have a pocket, the bra works. Since I have bras with underwires, stuff stays pretty “put” in there. The only problem can be when I try and stuff something in there that doesn’t give! Cell phones might qualify for not giving! OMG! LOL!

    • pegbur7 says:

      But the boob gives so it only matters if it’s uncomfortable. The rest of the story is that the dental assistant told me later that she asked that because she does the same thing and then added “Except keys… they hurt.” Which in my case…. they don’t since it’s only one!

  6. Pingback: To Text or To Sext? Hmmnnnn « Square Peg in a Round Hole

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